The plot thickens…he told me one day that he was married!

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I have been flirting with a guy for a couple of months. We don’t see each other often. But when we do, we exchange glances. I started becoming attracted to him, but I wondered why he didn’t approach me. I decided that’s it, I’ll initiate this. I slipped him a heart shaped note that said “Thanks for smiling at me, that was sweet”. I left no phone number. I wanted to keep it open ended, nothing serious just yet. Later I asked him what he thought about my note. He said he was a little surprised, he didn’t know what to say. Then he goes on to say he was feeling happy that day, that’s why he smiled. He left it at that. I was shocked because I knew I had been getting flirtatious signals. Why the diplomatic response? After that, every time he saw me he looked really happy and excited. He started saying hello more often. I thought he brushed me off about the note, so I didn’t engage in any conversation. Then as time passed I found out that he had a girlfriend. I never noticed that he had a girlfriend before then—I even spoke to her a few times without knowing it! He never hangs around her. Then, she caught him looking at me one day. Now she is keeping her eye on him and me! I stayed clear when I found out about her, but I still had feelings for him. I don’t want to be responsible for a breakup, despite the feelings I still have for him.
The plot thickens…he told me one day that he was married! He commented on the kind of car I drove—he said, “Hey, you have the same car as my wife!” WHAT!!??? Now I’m really confused. Is he divorced, separated, is this a rebound girlfriend? Was he trying to be honest about things, so I won’t be shocked later? I don’t know what to think anymore. As a person, I have found him to be very nice and very gracious. Is this behavior of a player or someone who genuinely is trying to sort out feelings for new love? Should I ignore him or risk being friendly to him and have him know me better even though the girlfriend is in the picture? Advice
Too much stuff is going on here!

A girlfriend, possibly a wife. The best thing to do is to find out what his marital/dating situation really is. Ask him right out, you deserve to know, and see what he says.

Once you have the right information, you can decide what to do.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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