i don't want our relationship to end b/c of my immaturity and lack of experience
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Okay, me and my boyfriend have been dating for 4 months now. About a month after we started dating, he informed me that he had been in a serious relationship when we was about 17 and she was 20 and they had a kid. This was a shock to me b/c i had not heard anything about this before. then as we progress in our relationship, one of his exes (one of my co-workers and not the babies mom but the girl b4 me) keeps talking about all their sexual experiences to me. like i found out things i never wanted to hear, but i did. About the baby, when he was 2 the mom took the baby and disappeared. he had a REALLY hard time dealing w/ that and he made rap songs with topics involving her and the other 7 women he'd slept w/ before me. just to let you know, i had only been w/ one other guy and we had only "poked" around so it tecnically was my first time. so just thinking about his past makes me feel really hurt inside and i feel cheated that i didn't have as much experience (i know thats bad, but i just wish he hadn't been w/ so many others when i hadn't) he's 6 years older than i and we started in a sexual relationship early on. this whole relationship is new and special to me..but b/c he had been engaged, had a kid, and had MANY more ppl than i i can't help but feel that he doesn't feel the same for me. he also had pictures of his babies mom and he gave them to me to shred... i. needless to say, had a mental breakdown. i CAN'T get over his past no matter how hard i try. it's just i feel like when we do something and this is all new to me.. it'll just be another experience that we can't share together for the first time. i love him so much and a quote that i hear on Opera helped a little, "You have to give up the hope that the past can be any different and you can move on." and it helped, but then he let me hear one of his songs and it talked about her and it brought me back down. What can i do? i don't want our relationship to end b/c of my immaturity and lack of experience. he does try hard to convince me that he's over his past... but then something he'll do or say will make me question that. HELP!!!
You are in a tough spot.
It is understandable why you feel inexperienced and wish that he hadn't had so many girlfriends he slept with. Imagine how he would feel if it was switched around.
But, as you said, there is no way to change the past. You have to figure out whether you love him enough to forget his past. Try to stop thinking about it. One way to try to do this is to fight against those thoughts. Whenever you think about it tell the thought to go away that your boyfriend loves you. Do this about 100 times and the thoughts will give up and stop haunting you.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com