He says that is what our biggest problem is, that I am trying to tell him how he feels
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I lost the love of my life. We dated for a couple of months, moved in together, never had problems until one day.He had been paying a bill for his ex-wife and after a few months had gone by it began to irritate me so I begin to nag him about it. One day I basically gave him an ultimatum, I told him that he had one family not two. I left the house to calm down, when I returned home he was gone. We were apart for 9 weeks, still sleeping together a couple of times a week, but when we would talk he would say very hateful things. His favorite line was "leave me alone, don't call me anymore." Finally after 9 weeks, I went on a date, he found out. He called and said he still loved me and wanted to work it out. The first week was great, the second week he begin to treat me badly, such as making plans with me and then breaking them to do things with friends. He used to be a very loving, compassionate, generous man, now he is angry all of the time. He wakes up angry, says and does things to me that he never would have done before. We are now apart again because I can not deal with this angry man that he has become. He says that he can't give me what I want and it's not me, it is him. I suggested that he go to the doctor, sounds as if he has a bit of depression or something. He says that is what our biggest problem is, that I am trying to tell him how he feels. Alot of things were said and done the time we were apart. Should I give up hope, he is the love of my life. We have both been divorce twice..We had an instant connection. I really need some advice, I am heart broken. It has been 2 days since we have been apart and when I spoke to him on the phone he told me to never call him again because all that he has done is cause me pain. Any suggestions as to why he may be so angry of how I can help him get past this? I love him so much but now he won't even talk to me.
Your suggestion to him about seeing a doctor was right on the money.
Nobody should be angry all the time and treat others meanly. But when you suggested that approach he got angry again. Oddly, he may be angry because he can see that things are not going right between you two. He just doesn't know what to do about the situation.
Let's hope you get to talk to him again. If you do, try this idea: never use the word "you" when you talk to him. It will be quite a trick and really impossible to do 100% But from what you said, he seems to get upset when you make comments about him.
This is not a good way to live, of course, so the wisest thing you could do probably is to cut your losses, endure the pain of break-up, and move on.
Sorry you are in this situation! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com