Within this last month we haven't really talked much
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My ex and I recently broke up (about a month ago) after dating very seriously for a year and a half. He is divorced and has two daughters. He comes from a very broken background (lots of divorce) and his marriage should have never happened. He and his ex-wife have both told me the same thing. He didn't love her and did not want to marry her, he did because he thought it was right because they had a 1-yr old daughter. Well, then ended up with another! He knows he made a mistake and was completely ready for the divorce. Anyway, I met him about a month and a half after his divorce was final. We met through a mutal friend at another friend's house. It was an instant attraction. I am a very devote Christian and I knew when I met him that this guy is something special. I've been through my rebellious time and dated all the wrong guys and never ever wanted to date another one with kids or divorced, let alone both! Well, we didn't see each other for about a month, but I continued to think about him. For about 2 months I would just randomly run into him and then we began to hang out a lot more, always with other friends. My feelings kept getting stronger and stronger and I knew God had brought him into my life for something, but i never in a million years thought that he would ever be interested in me. Well, he really suprised me one night with a kiss and all I could say was "where did that come from?" Well, we were together ever since then. We were very careful with the girls for about 3-4 months. Never doing anything with them as just the two of us. We were always around other people when they were with him. To make this shorter...our relationship was awesome. We had so much fun together, could talk for hours, loved doing a ton of the same things, loved doing new things together and every now and then we would have a spat over something stupid. He would on occasion wonder if he was good enough for me and I would always assure him that he was perfect. He's never been a good communicator, but he's come a long way. Because of the way he works, i would have the girls on the weekend's so he could spend his time with them and during the summer's I would have them too. The night we broke up I told him that not because he made me feel this way, but I felt like a babysitter, a secretary and a convience. He told me he was comfortable with the way things were that he wasn't ready for what I needed. Now all I asked of him was not a marriage proposal, but to know that things were headed that way and it was okay to talk about. I'm not ready for marriage either, but I do want to marry him. He has been completely honest about everything and I trust him completely. There was no one else or anything like that. He told me that sometimes he's 100% sure and ready to ask me to marry him and sometimes he's not. I told him that I needed more than that, I needed him to be certain about us, that I couldn't just hang around, be comfortable and wonder if today was a day that he loved me. Now, I know with everything in me that he loves me and that it's killing him that I'm hurt. Within this last month we haven't really talked much and he's already been seeing some other girl, not often I don't think. It crushed me to know that and I told him that if he needed this space and he needed to date other people to realize he does want me, then he needed to do it. I hate it! I want so badly to talk to him and continue to be his friend, but I don't want it to be awkward or him to think that I'm chasing him or trying to get back in there! We talked on the phone the other night for about 25 minutes just about stuff, not the situation and it was great. not awkward at all and he even told me how much he enjoyed talking to me. I haven't talk to him since. What am I suppose to do? Is this something that he just needs to figure out on his own. He is so STUBBORN and I know he'll fight it tooth and nail. Oh... we broke up once before about 6 months ago over the same thing, but he came back to me with full assurance that he wanted to be with me, that he was just so scared! Do I just need to give him time to realize it?
Call him once a week for 15 min just to check in and see how he is doing. Don't push the relationship at all. Be upbeat.
He won't feel pressured but he will know that you are still interested. It will also help keep you feeling better knowing you will talk to him regularly.
Also, here are some tips on getting your ex back:
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com