Is it normal for healthy married couples to make love so infrequently?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My husband and I have been married for about a year and a half. We are generally happy, but there are some issues that really bother me. He is in graduate school and has always seemed to feel that school is so extremely important, which it is, and I support that, however, I have never felt as important to him as school.

When we were dating we lived in Oregon, when he got into school HE moved to Florida. He proposed to me the same year and we were married. But, like I said, school was first and most important, than he came back for me!

Before we were married he seemed to have a healthy interest in me, we were both virgins, but after we were married I don't feel attractive to him at all. We have sex probably one time a month and it seems to me that being newlyweds it would be more frequent. We both waited for marriage, which I feel was the right thing to do, but I am feeling so incredibly lonely. I have tried lingerie and he just rolls over and goes to sleep, I have tried to seduce him and he just tells me he doesn't have time or needs his sleep!
I don't feel that I am an ugly person, or that I am unattractive to others, but just not to my husband. I used to model and I still look a lot the same, so I keep telling myself that I couldn't have lost too much in the last few years, but I am really starting to feel unnatractive. I don't ever want to cheat on my husband, I love him and would not do that, but I need something more than what is there. I am not sure that I have ever felt cherished any time he has made love to me and feel so unfulfilled!
I don't have a clue what to do and I stumbled on your site while looking for answers. Please talk to me! I have had two miscarriages in the last 7 months and I don't feel loved at all, I didn't feel loved before the miscarriages either, and that just made me feel even more lonely! Am I asking for too much? Is it normal for healthy married couples to make love so infrequently? How come I cannot seduce my husband, is it because he is not attracted to me?
Thanks, Lost and lonely Advice
Obviously you are an attractive woman... you probably get looks and perhaps more from other guys.

Something is wrong with your husband.

My advice is to see a counselor, a sex therapist if you can find one. His school will certainly have general counselors if finances are a question.

Go by yourself if you have to, but try to get him to come too.

Sorry you are in this situation!

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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