We fell in love, cared for each other, the whole mile
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Hi, I’m a guy whose Girlfriend of about a 1 ½ years (20 months) just broke up with me a month ago. I want her back!
To get things up to speed, let me give some background about us first.
We met at college and things were great from there on forward. We fell in love, cared for each other, the whole mile. We were never even in a major disagreement, ever. The closest that came was me raising my voice to her, telling her to stop talking over me about 3 months into the relationship. I can’t even begin to describe how well we hit it off. We enjoyed each other so much! 2 months in we were very sexually active and stayed that way. (to my surprise). However, one way to describe her is this:
But her closed mindedness never was a problem.
We had a lot of similar interests and never ran out of things to talk about.
Then August ’05 came. We were both in between jobs and both 20yrs old living at home w/ our parents. I was/am unemployed because I had to have testing done to determine if I had MS among other things, which I just found out to be negative. Anyway, she got a job working 3rd shift at a factory. Things were tough at 1st, changing sleep around and such. After a week of her working there I noticed she kept talking about another girl she worked with. SO I asked her about it and thought nothing of it. Another week passes and she’d talk about nothing else. Apparently, this girl, who I will call Tanya, is a lesbian and very ‘loud&proud’ of it. Tanya even has a tattoo on her forearm that is a rainbow which reads, “Baby-Dyke”. So I asked her flat-out, “Do you have a crush on this other girl?” Keep in mind that I had no clue that she was BI. And she denied having a crush. She kept talking about Tanya. So I asked her again at her house and she broke down crying and said she did have a crush on her. But she added that she was in love with me and that the crush didn’t matter. I was very upset. We had never lied to each other before and I had no idea she was Bi (I’m not the typical guy who thinks that’s hot). I said I didn’t know if I could deal with this. Then she started crying again and I asked her why she was. She said, “Well you’re breaking up with me right?” I told her NO, No, no I love you we can get past this. She suggested maybe we take a break and that she had some serious thinking to do and was unsure of us. That broke my heart. So I went back to my house not knowing if we were still together.
The next day she came over and when she came up to my room I started crying, and I had never done that in front of her before. She hugged me and said everything was OK and that we would still be together. I told her that if she really wanted to leave me she should do it then because I’d be less upset about it. I asked her over and over if she really wanted to be with me and she said yes every time without hesitating. I told her to stop looking at Tanya, and I told her she needed to do something extra special to prove this to me. So the day after that she brought me a homemade-card that said she was very sorry and that she loved me, I made her feel great, I was the only one that ever made her climax, and that we’d be together. But things were far from over. . .
That weekend I planned a surprise Birthday party at my house with my family which I decorated and spent a lot of money on gifts. Same weekend we went mini-golfing. Everything seemed great again.
The very next weekend after that we were watching TV and she looks over at me and out of nowhere says, “If you do have MS or something serious be prepared that I might leave you.” For the first time in our relationship I flipped. I got really upset by this. we had plans for our first place and marriage within a year. So I yelled at her and she just kept saying, “I just want to be happy in the meantime.” That made me even madder. I said that if she was looking for an excuse to leave she should just do it right now. I asked her, “So are we going to have anymore relationship-ending conversations soon or again?” She said NO. Then we cooled off and the rest of the weekend was ok..
I was over to her place that Monday (Labor day) to have her dad(a mechanic) look at my car’s brakes. She seemed fine until night and I asked her what was wrong. She said she kept trying to stop looking at Tanya but it wasn’t working. She was still looking. I told her, “If you really love me then I should be all you need.” I thought that was reasonable. I will regret those words.
That week I real sick so bad I couldn’t talk or even pay attention to TV. Later that week she shows up at my house and breaks up with me while I was so sick. Her reason, “I am gay.” WHAT?! I lost it and she took off for home(she lives 30 miles away) I panicked and tried to call my mom but her phone was off so I called her mom and told her she broke up with me.
Then here comes thing single-dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life:
Her mom asked me why. WHY? I was so sick that I didn’t even think I just answered, “She said she is gay”. Her mom freaked out because she doesn’t accept homosexual people at all. Then I got off the phone and didn’t sleep all night.
I got up and drove over to her house, sick and all, and went into her room tried to reconcile. She sleeps nude and wasn’t phased by me seeing her naked. At first she wouldn’t let me touch her, then she asked if I told her parents and I said Yes. But she was OK with it. I asked her if the reason she gave me (being gay) was legit and she said no, it was because she wasn’t “happy” anymore because I didn’t let her look at other people and that there had been too much ‘conflict lately with the arguments about sexuality and my health. Then after 3 hours of talking we started kissing and hugging again. She said I had to take off and I asked her when I should see her again. She said never. What? She was kissing me and laughing with me and she says never? I asked her why and she then said she’d call in a week if she changed her mind but not to get my hopes up because there was only a 4% chance. So I went home and didn’t sleep again. I talked to her on the phone the next day and she called me “Babe” like she always did and seemed sincerely happy to hear my voice. Then the day after that I called her again and asked her how her thinking of me was coming. She was very rude and I hung up on her. Then 2 days later I got an email that was very very mean and vulgar about how wrong it was to tell her parents that she was gay and to never ever talk to her again.
That Saturday she appeared in an online game with me. She didn’t talk to me at all about the email she sent me. She said very few things. Then 2 days later she appeared online in Yahoo instant messenger and sent me a blank message. I didn’t “IM” her back and she appeared offline 10 minutes later. Then the very last time I saw her was in person at her house, 3 weeks later, because I was hoping that the time would help how she felt. Wrong. She was nothing but cold to me and said she didn’t like me anymore. She asked me if I was dating and I said no and she added she in “on-hold” because her female interest from work, Tanya, is having trouble getting out of her relationship. I asked her why she didn’t like me and she said it was because --I Told Her Parents She Was Gay.—I then asked her if we could be friends and she said NO. She said the main reason behind us breaking up was that she wasn’t happy anymore. I asked her what she meant and all she could come up with was, “When you’re not around I’m mean to my family and I wasn’t like that before you. When you’re here I’m nice to them.” She added, “Also I used to listen to other music”. She finished with we can’t ever get back together because once I get hurt one time there is no coming back. Forever?
How do I get her back after telling her parents she was gay? She says she is Bi and after being with her for so long and her willingness to perform sexual favors for me without asking her A LOT, I believe she is Bi. It has been 5 ½ weeks now and I absolutely cannot get her out of my head, she is the one for me, I DO know it. I know I’m 20 but I have been in many many other relationships some long and this was so much better. How can I get her back? HELP!
You have dug yourself a deep hole to climb out of.
Start off by trying to rebuild your friendship. Do this slowly. Call her once a week for 15 min or so and ask her how she is doing. Be upbeat, don't drag your relationship into the phone call.
Maybe after she spends some time with Tanya she will decide she made a mistake and you will be there waiting for her.
Please read our tips at the following website:
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com