Missing the Ex
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
i've got a "new" boyfriend, n we've been together for a little more than 4 months. he was my ex-boyfriend close friend and we got together about 2 weeks after me n my ex broke up.
now.. i keep thinking of what could have been if i were still with my ex and i've been really down thinking about it lately. i miss my ex quite abit, n i've thot of breaking up with my bf cos of this. n maybe.. jus maybe me n my ex will get back together again. sounds abit like felicity right?
i really need help.. i'm so confused. don't get me wrong.. i still love my bf alot.. i'm just.. confused.. i kinda regret breaking up with my ex sometimes. its only today i'm facing this fact..
this sounds really complicated i know, but i really hope u can help me. if u need a clearer picture, u can tell me n i'll try to make it simpler to you.. THANK YOU SO MUCH!
One of the most important things you can ever do in dating is to make sure you are REALLY ready to date someone before you make that commitment to them. Every person in the world deserves someone that cares for them fully and is dedicated to them. If you go out and date on the rebound, and only give half your heart and half your attention to someone, it's being completely unfair to them.
So it really sounds like you weren't over your ex at all, you jumped into this new relationship and now you're torn between the two guys. And in the meantime, since you have these issues going on, your current bf is not getting a "real girlfriend" - he only gets half of you. Or maybe even less. Which is NOT fair to him.
You and your ex broke up for a reason. It didn't just "happen". And it's really, really common when you break up with someone to start dreaming about all the good times, forgetting all the bad times, and thinking things will be wonderful if you went back to him. And then when you go back to him of course the exact same bad things happen again, because you two are the same exact people, and you just break up again.
I would really look at this very seriously. If you and your ex were so great, you wouldn't have broken up. You would have stayed together. Something was pretty seriously wrong to break you two up. You should examine it and perhaps accept that yes, you care for your ex, but while you two might be OK as friends you just weren't cut out to be more than that. You should then focus on your current boyfriend and relationship and really make it work.
But let's say that the small chance happens that you decide you and he were just perfect and it was some bizarre Act of God that caused you to separate. In that case, your current boyfriend DESERVES to know that you aren't giving him 100% and deserves to be able to find someone that WILL give that to him. You can then go back to your ex and try your very best to make it work. But it will take a serious effort on your AND his part for it to work, since you already took one shot at it and failed.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com