Dating Long Distance
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have met someone from an internet dating site. He seems really genuine and nice. The thing is, he lives over 2 hours away from me, and his occupation involves working shifts, making it difficult to meet regularly.
We have met about 7 times and he tells me that he has cancelled his subscription on the site. I am no longer on the site and he knows this. But i have noticed that he is still on the site and logs in every week or so.
Recently, he has stopped texting me regularly and his last text suggests meeting up in 3 weeks time. He says that he still wants to see me but distance is a problem and he would understand if i don't want to see him anymore.
My view is that he probably wants to date other women as he is still on the site, and have me on the side. How should i approach this?? Do i play it cool and still see him or give him an ultimatum?? It is early days between us but surely he should know how he feels about me??!!
He tells me that he likes me etc but he could be saying anything couldn't he???
What is the best approach to take??
It's always hard to date long distance, although many couples do manage it. If you've only met 7 times, that's really not enough to get a good sense of what each other is about enough to completely shut off all other contact. It does sound like he wants someone that's around more that he can see more often, and that the long distance was getting to him.
Relationships should never be about ultimatums. They should be about two people who actively choose together to be together. If he's saying distance is a problem, then it is. Forcing him into things won't make it better. It will just mean that, when you hit the normal hiccups in life, he'll now think it was "your fault anyway" that he stuck it out this long.
You need to decide for yourself it you want to keep working on it. It'll be an uphill battle if he wants someone around him a lot. You might be better off finding someone around you, so that your relationship isn't starting off with a strike against it. Or at least finding someone who doesn't mind a distance relationship.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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