I can't be with him, but I love him so much it hurts
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I met E* in college and it was literally love at first sight. The biggest problem was that we were both seeing other people at the time. Eventually, we ended up together but there was another problem. He had a drug problem that he was trying to kick. I was determined to stay with him through it, but when he decided not to try, I broke up with him. It killed me because we were so much in love, but I felt I had to do it.
On the rebound, I ended up getting back together with the guy I was dating before E*. When he proposed, I said yes. After being married for a short while, my husband started cheating on me. He would then come home and accuse me of cheating on him and force himself on me. Needless to say, I got pregnant. We had many fights and I thretened to leave him many times. We went for counselling and we finally seem to have worked things out. He is being a good husband and father.
To make things more complicated, E* just came back into my life and I realize that I'm still in love with him. Although he has admitted that he still loves me, E* has been a complete gentleman, as always. He does not want to break up a family and would probably "take off" if I made any indication that his presence was causing problems. E* needs to be here to get his life in order (long story), and I don't want to jeopardize that.
Even if I left my husband, which I don't want to, E* still has a drug problem and I don't want him near my children. But the more we contact each other, the more I realize how good we are together. We seem to know exactly what the other is thinking and feeling. That "love at first sight" feeling is still there, and I don't know what to do about it. I can't be with him, but I love him so much it hurts. What do I do?
First thing is to stop seeing E* forever.
Tell him why you are doing it and ask him for his assistance.
We often feel in love just as a way out of our day to day.
Stick to your husband and children. They are what count in the long run. You will be happier overall by doing the right thing.
Don't throw your life away chasing a loser!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com