I still see that he is holding on to her out of comfort and he still admits his feelings for me
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Things took an unexpected turn. I am out of town on business, sent my ex an email just saying "hi" and recieved a reply telling me that he and the other girl have been talking and trying to work things out. He said he needs to take some time and see if there is really something there so as not to have any regrets later. He asked that i give him 'space' and we need to no longer be in contact because she is too uncomfortable about me. He said he is sorry because he knows this hurts and never wanted to do that. He said it isnt fair to ask me to "wait and see" but still believes anything can happen.
I was shocked. He said things were definately over between them. I called him and we talked. I stayed calm. He admitted she is quite young (10 years his junior) and she has things to learn and figure out and he's not sure that she will. He said he's been honest with her about me - even the fact that we've been 'seeing' each other since they broke up 2 weeks ago. She requested I am not in the picture at all.
My 'ex' admitted even though it was HIS request that we stayed in contact that it's been clouding his thoughts because he knows he still has feelings for me. He said it's not fair to her or me. He said he feels horrible but needs time to figure out how he feels about her. He said he wouldn't call it LOVE but doesnt know what it is.
I told him she has an advantage since she's part of the 'inner circle' being his best friends girlfriend's friend. I said it's like they are one little family. He admitted it IS an advantage and since he broke up with her it's been hard hanging out with his best F and his g/f ever since. He admits it IS a fun scenario.
I still see that he is holding on to her out of comfort and he still admits his feelings for me which is why he's requesting "space" to figure things out. I know i cant do anything but grant it but I am so shocked.
I told him the same as always....that i know my feelings for him and that i will give time. Not put myself on hold but give time.
I am crushed, really. It was just such a suprise... Even after telling his sister that we were starting to 'date' again and everything.....
What to do?
You answered your question yourself.
You have to give him the time he is asking for. Not pleasant for you, but all you can do.
If you can manage it, contact him weekly and ask him how he is doing. Don't stretch it much beyond that... leave it up to him to increase the time you two spend together.
It's not much, but about all you can do.
-- from George
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