From Friends to Boyfriend-Girlfriend

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I've been friends with a girl who I'm absolutely mad for now. I've known her for the past, oh, seven or eight months. At first, we were friends, and did many things together. I don't know if one could say that they are romantic, but I felt that we were coming togehter, as if a relationship was forming. Just before winter holiday, we did something together that made me start liking her. So, after the two-week holiday, I come back to see her and I find out that all the "chemistry" that had happened between seems like it just died. So then this depressd me somewhat, and it really showed. This drove her away from me, I believe, and thus she started to see that I liked her. Well, at this time, another guy had basically "taken my place" (we weren't doing anything at all together anymore...I know, it's so terrible), as she was doing all the things that she had done with me with this other guy. So it just added to my depression. This caused me to act mopey, and in the end, I wasn't a fun person to be around.

So then I tell my friend that I have these strong feelings for this girl. Meanwhile, the girl who I *adore* confronts my friend and says "Why is ***** so sad?". They play the guessing game back and forth, and she says "It's because he likes me, isn't it?". Here's where I'm done for, as she says "Yes, ***** really likes you". Ehh...that wasn't good...not at all.

I had already been acting a bit strange before she "found out" (of course I believe she already knew) from my friend, so this incident made things much stranger. We used to be very good friends, but now it doesn't seem to be the case. I used to be able to joke around with her. I used to always give her a big smile and say "Hello *****!", to which she would always smile back and say "Hey ***** !". If I do that now, she looks at me as if I am some kind of wierdo. This incident has really caused our relationship to be's killing me.

So, my question is regarding our friendship. Is there any way to...ummm...get past this wierdness? I hope to restablish the closeness between us that we once had, because this whole situation is very depressing. Advice
It's very, very common to go from friend to boyfriend-girlfriend. In essence, a boyfriend is a REALLY good friend for a girl - it shouldn't be a stranger you date. So it's a very natural progression. Yes, it can be scary because you don't want to lose your friendship. But you in essence gain a best friend.

I have tips on that here -

But it sounds like she and you were spooked by this transition and aren't sure how to proceed. I would talk to her. That's the only way to solve any issue and especially between friends it's key. Say you've always liked her a lot, obviously you guys spent lots of time together. And that she liked you too. So it's just a degree of liking that you're talking about. Ask her how she feels about it. It may be that she thinks you're upset or something, that you didn't WANT to be fonder of her. Who knows what she's thinking. Sit down and talk with her and find out.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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