She has a boyfriend now though. Can I tell her I have feelings for her while she is still with him?

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I have written to you before but I felt I wasn't completely honest. I met this girl three years ago on a mission trip. She was there with her then boyfriend who is my really good friend. They broke up about a year and a half ago. Since then (three years ago) I have liked her a lot. I would do things like always pass by her locker so I could say hi. We are friends now and we hang out from time to time. But I want more. After we go to the movies and we part I feel depressed. I want to spend every waking moment of the day with her. I am now a freshman in college and she is a senior in high school. I love her because I have had many crushes before and have gotten over them no problem. Now I can't stop thinking about her. She has a boyfriend right now though. Can I tell her I have feelings for her while she is still with him? Could we have a relationship while I am in college and she is in high school? (We do live only about a half hour away from each other.) If I told her and she didn't share the same feelings how would she react and what would happen to our friendship? This has become a seriouds problem. I want her so badly so please give me in depth advice. Thank You for your time. Advice
You are bringing up some of the most difficult questions.

You are in love with your friend and don't want to wreck your relationship.
(See tips at: The general answer is to tell her that your friendship is most important to you but you need to tell her that you are developing feelings for her. This shouldn't scare her away.

Should you tell her while she has a boyfriend. Yes, it is ok. Do not, however, put pressure on her since then you would be encouraging her to break up a relationship. This could backfire on you if she later blames you.

What about the long-distance relationship? These are hard. Your's isn't too bac since you live only 1/2 hour apart. Many such relationships survive being days apart or contients apart. So who knows how yours would go?

Finally I would say that I sense an infatuation on your part. That can be misenterpreted as love. Consider whether there isn't some element of that in your feelsings.

Good luck!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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