The Bad Influence

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My guy and I been together for 3 years. He is very honest, open person, well at least he used to be until he started working with his friend who is 22 years old. He is already married and cheats on his wife and lies all the time and this guy have a huge influence on my boyfriend. My guy been working with him for a few month and already i see a result of their frendship he started lying to me and he droped out of college. I don't know what to do. I can't say anything because I wan't listen to me. Should I just get out of this relationship while I can, before I get cheated on? Advice
Isn't it just AMAZING how much a person can be influenced if they aren't secure in who they are? That always astounds me. Your boyfriend should know what he values, know who he loves and be sure of that. It's part of being an adult. But instead just because a person wanders along that has different views, now he's like a sponge and is soaking up all those different views ... and he values those new views more than he values the advice and care of someone he's been with for three years.

It does sound like he's sliding into wanting to be like this other guy, and if he's already chosen the other guy's advice over your own, that's a bad enough sign. Being partners is about facing the world together, not about siding with a friend and lying to the one you are supposed to be partners with. If someone is willing to lie to you, that's pretty much shattering the basis of the entire relationship. I suppose I would try sitting down with him for a serious talk, and explain that if you can't trust him, how can you be with him, because trust is the core of any relationship. If you can't trust him about stupid little things, you can never trust him about the big, important things. Ask him if his desire to emulate this lying, cheating guy is more important than his desire to be with the woman he loves and has spent all this time with.

Maybe he's been swayed by the excitement of sleeping around and conquesting women. If so, then I'd let him go. If he thinks lying is fun and cheating is exciting, it's best that you're far, far away from him. But hopefully he'll realize that this isn't a game - this is real life and he's about to screw up something really important. Only he can make that decision. If his choice is just following what his friend tells him to do and not respecting those who love him, again, it sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do and it's best if you find someone who is already more adult.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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