He's Still Looking Around
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I met the guy I'm dating through a personals ad. We met in December. He lives six states away but comes to see me every month since December. We have really become quite close lately. But I saw tonight that his ad is still up and that he's been on it in the last week. I'm disappointed and annoyed and a bit angry. I don't want to ask him about it, but I think he might notice something in my demeanor if I don't. Should I just ride it out for a while and see what happens? Maybe I'll just take a step back for a bit and let him do his thing. I took my ad down in January, by the way.
It sounds like you guys had different expectations about what your dates were like. This is one of the keys of communication. Did you talk at all about "we aren't dating other people" or "we aren't looking for other people"? If you just assume something, you're bound to be unhappy because the other person rarely assumes the exact same thing you did.
You're definitely right that just ignoring it won't work, he'll sense the trouble, not know what is going on, not even realize that he's the cause. And it could harm something that's really good.
I would talk to him the next time you get together. Talk about how important the relationship has become to you, and that you have stopped looking for another or thinking about dating another. Ask him if he's ready to take that step too. If he is, then from that point forward you would have a point of complaint if you see him on line. If he's not, you can talk about why not and it'll be out in the open that it is an issue between you two. But you can't really fault him for being on line if you haven't had that discussion with him yet.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com