Well for the past couple of months we have been best friends
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Hello, well I have written in here before about my situation dealing with my ex, awhile ago. Well, this time my situation with him is a little bit different. First of all I just want to apologize for writing such lengthy questions.
I am really worried about our friendship. We have been broken up for over 4 months now, and at first he treated me horribly (ignored me, ditched me, was always yelling, etc). Well for the past couple of months we have been best friends. We talk every other day almost, hang out at least once a week, are able to tell eachother things we can't tell other people, etc. Also we are intimately involved most of the time, but are not a couple. We get along really great and I WAS very happy with things between us.
My problem is that sometimes, he will get mad or annoyed at me and there doesn't seem to be an apparent reason. When this happens he just won't call when he says he will, blow me off, and pretty much ignore me. For example, we had plans today and he said he would call me yesterday to finalize them, but he didn't call. When I called him he had said he forgot, then he could tell something was wrong (I have been upset because he always makes plans with all his other friends first then saves me for last so I get the smallest amount of time). When he asked what was wrong I knew he was doing homework so I didn't want to bring anything up to get us into an argument. Well he kept bugging me, even though I said I didn't want to make him mad at me, so I eventually told him. Then he got all mad saying at least we still hang out but that's not good enough for me, etc. Then he got off the phone saying he had to go. When I talked to him later he was still mad, and wouldnt talk to me about it saying he had to do homework. He also told me before he got mad that we might not be able to do anything today because he might get called into work, but he will call me either way.
Well today, he never called. I called his house and his dad said he had gone into work, so I called his work because I had gotten a new job today and was excited to tell him. Well I talked to some of the other employees on the phone and they said he wasn't working today. So now I am dealing with him lying, and I know he told the lie to his father because he knows I will ask his dad when I call there (every time I suspect him of lying about something he'll say even ask my dad, but he has no problem lying to his parents).
So now he has ditched me and is lying to me. This has happened before but I thought he was done pulling this kind of stuff. I really don't know how to deal with it when he does this, what is the best way to handle situations like this?? No matter what I say, he will turn it around on me and become more and more mad at me. The only alternative I can think of is to end the friendship because I'm tired of dealing with this, but I really don't want to do that because he really is my best friend, and the only person I can really confide in. Usually he is so nice to me, like giving me big hugs out of nowhere and saying I'm the best, that he's always here for me, etc. How do I get through this without ending the friendship?
Plus, his new friends hate me which is the reason we even broke up in the first place (he broke up with me). I don't know how to deal with that either because it is really hard, like for example when I call him they'll be in the background and I can hear them shouting my name and telling him to hang up on me, spit on me, etc. I've never said one bad thing about them either, mostly because I don't know them. Pretty soon he is having a birthday party and if we are still going to be friends by then, they will all be there, and on top of it I won't know anybody else going. Should I still go and stick it out? I will be by myself most of the night I think because he can't spend all night with me.
Thank you so much for the help!
Ask him what response he wants from you when he gets angry.
Does he want you to argue back? Does he want you to back down? Find out and try to do it. This should cut back on the fights.
My advice is to skip his birthday party since the odds are high that you will have a bad time. Probably nothing you can do about his friends.
If you want to and can deal with the up and down situation your ex is presenting you with then go for it. If it gets to the point where you can't stand it anymore, move on.
Sorry you are in this situation!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com