You're probably thinking I'm just saying that because I got dumped two days ago but I'm not
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I just broke up with my boyfriend two days ago. Today would have been our seven month anniversary. I've known this boy for four years now and I always used to have a crush on him...you see there's a big age gap between us...6 years in fact...I know what you're probably thinking infatuation right? He always used to say he could see himself being with me when I was 17...and we sort of made a joke of it until last year when i declared my love for him even though we weren't going out at the time. He said he wished things were different..as in he wished the age gap was smaller! Anyways I tried not to contact him as much after that because I decided I needed to get over him...and the next time i saw him I didn't feel the same attraction like how I used to.
Anyways this year in the month of January he came for my birthday (I hadn't seen him in three months)...he was with someone else but had only been dating her for about two months. On my birthday he told me how he could see us two together in the future...and I said that was probably rubbish.
The month after, we got together..we didn't really see much of each other in the first few months...maybe once in two weeks...once a week...then after my exams we used to spend the whole weekend together. Into 4 and a half months of our relationship we said the "I love you" words...it was so amazing...I've never said I love you to anyone else before...he's said it once before even though he's had so many past relationships. Anyways...during the Summer I went to Italy for a week...and when I got back things were great...I spent the weekend with him and the Monday after I went to Canada for three weeks. We'd keep in contact by phone, text, email. However in my third week in Canada we had a bust up over text about something. The day I got back from Canada he came to see me...and we sorted out the problems we had whilst i was in canada. The weekend after I got back...I basically spent all of it with my boyfriend. I guess it was overwhelming that we were going from not seeing each other for 3 weeks to seeing each other 5 days in a row. However it was inevitable because there was this and that party each day...not to mention his birthday on one of the days. On his actual birthday I stayed at his house and slept in his bed for the first time...we didn't have sex but I really wanted to "do" things...and he got really mad and thought it was selfish because he had work the next day. Anyways he gave in and whilst doing things...I said "i love you" and he was like "You're saying it too much"...I hadnt said it all day...anyways he said to me "I don't know if I've fallen out of love or not". I found this quite strange since a couple days ago he said it back to me when i said it!
That night happened about a month ago...and we've tried to get our relationship back on track by trying to sort out things when we meet up. However I've only seen him three times this month and not for very long either each time! He started a course two weeks ago which meant that he had to go for lessons every monday and wednesday from 6 to 9. I've hardly talked to him in these past few weeks.
On Saturday he said " I think we should call it a day". He said if he didnt have his course he'd want to give our relationship another try. He just doesnt have the time to have a relationship right now because of this studying. He said he really wants to be friends and if we didnt he'd haunt me!!! lol! I know I really meant something to him because although he's had many girlfriends none have been longer than two months...apart from one and he loved her too...however she cheated on him so that's why they broke up. Now they're really friends surprisingly...I don't want to be his friend though...I really do love him and I'd do anything for him. You're probably thinking I'm just saying that because I got dumped two days ago but I'm not...I know my feelings won't change because I've liked him for years! I don't understand how he fell out of love..not being together should have brought us together and not drift apart. I noticed my other friends were in the same position as me too. I wondered did he ever love me to begin with? Do you think there could be a possibility we could get back in the future? I really doubt he won't have a girlfriend in the next 5 years just because of this course...highly unlikely!!!
I've decided not to contact him now so that he realises what I mean to him..do you think he'd miss me? He always used to tell me he missed me...but now because of the gradual process of not talking and seeing each other i don't know if he will...However if he texts me or calls I'll answer because I think that would get him more pissed off I completely ignored him. I really do love this boy because I think that true love is about sacrifice...and I've given him up. What should I do? Please help!!! And when we talk next should I not mention any good times we've had? Is it possible to have a serious girlfriend whilst studying and working?
You can't make sense of a relationship two days after breaking up.
If you don't get back together it will take you at least three weeks to try to figure out what happened and look at it rationally.
Many people have serious relationships while doing far far more studying and working than he is. It's a matter of committment.
When you talk be honest and gentle -- those two things will make your conversation go smoothly and enjoyably.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com