Strip Poker - The Other Side

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Yeah ummm...I was in my boyfriends e-mail and I saw that he had stuff saved from this website and I went in and read it, and it was questions about me. About him being jealous over things that have happened. Then I went to the website to see what this was all about and I saw a thing under recent questions and it said "Jealousy over strip poker" So I clicked on it...and it was about me. It was my story...and him asking for help about it. It on the freakin internet and anyone can read it.

Me and him talked about this tho. So many times...I thought things have been solved for a long while now. But he's away for March Break so I can't talk to him about it. What do I do if now I KNOW I can't get him to trust me, or believe me...about my feelings towards him. I've had many boyfriends in my past, but no one had compared to him! He's the best person I've ever met in my life. I tell him that every day. I've never been with someone as long as I've been with him either...

I'm stressed and confused and I don't even have HIM to talk to right now. Advice
I guess the first question is why you were reading your boyfriend's email. It sounds like you don't trust him if you were going through his email and files to see what he was doing. Lack of trust sort of 'builds itself up' - if he doesn't trust you, it makes you feel untrusting and untrustworthy, so then you don't trust him, and it keeps reinforcing each other.

It sounds like while you talked about the issue together, it wasn't on a level that really sunk in. And if there is not a 100% level of trust between you two, then talking about things right now isn't fully helping because you aren't both fully accepting what the other says. You are taking things with a grain of salt.

In any case, now you both know about the issue that is there. And remember, the issue is NOT that one incident. The issue is that you two aren't fully trusting each other, and not really talking. The incident is just a *symptom* of the problem. If it wasn't that, it would be something else similar.

So you two need to address the real problem - that he doesn't trust you 100%, and that you don't trust him 100%. Trust is the most important thing you can possibly have in a relationship. Without it, as you see, other things like talking and communication and showing your love don't work very well.

I would sit down with him when he gets back and make this your main focus in your life. It's really necessary. Agree that whenever you feel the SLIGHTEST bit jealous or untrusting - either of you - that you will mention it immediately. This is something you have to root out and handle before it drags you two apart. You can try a therapist if that will help out, sometimes having a 3rd person giving you feedback can be really helpful. Or maybe if you two guys make a strong commitment you can work on it yourselves. However you do it, you both have to really give it your very best attempt. Trust is key, it is what holds people together through the months and years.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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