My girlfriend of 10 months broke up with me 2 months ago
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend of 10 months broke up with me 2 months ago. It was not a break up due to our issues, rather to her own. She was raped and molested on 2 different occasions within the last 2 years by her last 2 boyfriends. She is in the Coast Guard and I was her first friend in the area, and we very fast became lovers, very close. We made long term plans and even became engaged back in May, a mere 2 weeks before she moved in with me. We had a whirlwind relationship, and we had just moved in together and we had just returned from a trip to Seattle to meet her family, which went as well as could be. We came home, and 4 days later after a very small bickering session, she left me, and her mother was on the first flight out from Seattle. We got into a big fight (our first real fight) a week after she left and she decided she was going to move out. Total time we lived together was 18 days (although we shared a bed nightly for over 4 months) Since the breakup, we have seen or talked at least once every 2 weeks, and I don't mean to, but I keep bringing up the relationship. She is depressed and dealing with PTSD issues. She does not want to get into a relationship right now due to her issues, and openly talks about how great we were together(when I ask about it)but she is not in a place to start over with me again. I've offered her my love and support in nearly every phone conversation, assuring her that I am there for her. She knows that I want to be with her, but she doesn't want it "right now". I love this woman with all my heart and she knows that. She knows that she is my world. She has told me that she feels she screwed up too badly to come back also. The good news is that she is getting help for her issues with the rape and the molestation. She admitts to missing us and the relationship but its just not enough for her right now. She has said there is a place for me in her life but she doesn't know where that would be, so she wants a friendship. I can't stop loving her the way I did when we were together enough to make a friendship work. She doesn't know what she wants in life at all anymore, she is trying to find herself again. She was running from her rape and hiding in our relationship, which she is now doing with the group of girlfriends she spends all her time with now. Is there any hope for Us? Can a relationship that was ended due to issues outside the relationship be repaired? I am trying hard to be a friend to her, but I have so much love for her that i can't put my feelings aside. What should I do?
Keep doing what you are doing.
Don't emphasize your feelings toward her so much because it might push her away. But remain her best friend and a strong shoulder to lean on and a kind ear to share her feelings.
My guess is that she will come along with you someday.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com