Two weeks ago, she told me that she's not in love with me
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I am 22 and dated my 18 year old girlfriend for 1 year. We have been broken up for 4 months, due to me breaking up with her. I did it because it seemed that sometimes she really wanted to be with me and other times she really didn't want to. I really did do it for her, thinking that this would give her some space and she would come back.
With all the negativity on our relationship coming from all of her friends and most of her family, she started to move away from me. We still slept together for 3 months, the whole time she told me she didn't know if she was still in love with me. Two weeks ago, she told me that she's not in love with me and that she dosen't want to get back together, but she still would call everyday.
Last week, she told me that she was now kinda with a guy she likes, not dating, but probably will be. This is after she had been telling me that she didn't want a boyfriend.
I don't know how serious things are with this guy, but for the first time in 15 months we haven't seen eachother for a week and barely talk. I want her back so bad, even though no one I know thinks that I should (she's deserving of). She told me that she still wants to be friends and that we can still hang out, just not be lovey any more.
I have been there for her, through two groups of her friends desserting her, getting kicked out and coming to live with me for 3 months, treating her better then anyone has ever treated her.
I don't want to be just her friend.
I will admit though, since we broke up 4 months ago, I have been doing everything wrong, being there all the time, being mopey and depressed, bugging her to take me back - on the verge of begging, crying.
I feel I've taken a good first step by calling and letting her know that I'm prepared to do what she has been asking and move on, but she is all I can think about.
I want to be her friend, but I don't want to face her telling me about how great this guy is.
She had said that maybe we will be together again sometime, but I don't know if she is just saying that to make me feel better.
This girl has a huge problem with expressing her real emotions, she lies alot, and she hasen't treated me very nice for a while. Yet she still "loves me" but isn't "in love with me " anymore, and is now going to be dating someone else, but dosen't want me out of her life.
Please help me makes some sense of this confusion!!!
This is the classis "let's break up but be friends, and I love you as a friend."
There is nothing wrong with it, in fact it is good. The problem is that the dumpee feels lousy about it. That's where you are right now.
The best you can do is be there as a good friend and a strong shoulder to lean on. Allow her to share her feelings with you but you shouldn't mention your relationship except to tell her you still love her. But only tell her that rarely... just so she doesn't forget.
My best wishes are with you!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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Tell her grow up