We only talk via email because this new girl has said she is not comfortable with him and I seeing eachother
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Kind of updating my situation, I've written before... Quick update, my b/f and I broke up but still have a lot of feelings for one another. Intense love, moved very fast, he talked marriage and futre, said he's never felt this way before...and that created some fears. We agreed to see others, be friends and just see what happens over time.
I am doing well. I've kept email contact about once a week. He's only ever initiated once or twice but anytime i ever contacted him he always replies and still encourages contact between us. He has been seeing someone new (10 years younger and his friend's girlfriend's friend.) They met out one night after we had a argument post breakup and he knew I had started seeing someone new, and he had been drinking.... So i can see it for what it is.
We only talk via email because this new girl has said she is not comfortable with him and I seeing eachother. It does bother me, but I never argued it. I figured it really just shows her insecurity and that could be a good thing.
2 weeks ago, our emails got flirty......VERY flirty. In fact, he said he was going to come over before he headed out of town with friends. He battled 2 hours of traffic and was 4 hours late meeting his friends... It was the first time we'd seen eachother since our breakup. As far as the other girl, I just thought "dont ask dont tell". It was great to see him, we had sex, but mostly talked. He was all smiles, we hugged a lot, we laughed, and he shared a lot about his job and things going on with him. Funny, but I also noticed him looking around my apartment and through spare bathroom medicine cabinet (the one he used to use). It was almost like he was looking for 'evidence' that I might be seeing someone??
The next week I emailed as usual. I asked if he'd like to get together for a drink and he said he couldnt. The girl he was seeing asked to be "exclusive" that weekend so he would feel 'weird' about it. But he insisted that he wants to stay in contact via email or phone calls. This was hard to hear obviously, but he then followed up with "but you never know what could happen...".
He always seems to make comments that insintuate he is just not that into this girl. I know he is under a lot of stress right now until about November (professional exams)which is one thing that caused our break-up. (His stress level). It almost seems to me that since he doesnt have a high emotional involvement with her that the relationshp is not that stressful for him which is why he is staying involved. Kind of a warm body, someone there, someone to have fun with....
Since he told me the "exclusive" part though, i told him the ball was in his court for our freindship to be a success. It would be hard to be friends as 'penpals' and i dont feel comfortable calling him since he's seeing someone. I mailed him a letter as well telling him my feelings and that I will wait for him. My heart will tell me when to let go, but that I do love him and will be here.....I wont run (a big fear he always had).
I decided not to initiate any emails for 3-4 weeks now. I thought maybe he needs to learn to miss me? I am smart enough to see his current relationship for what it is and not get emotionally out of control over it but it does hurt at times. He hasnt said "i love you" to anyone in over 5 years except me so why would she be any different than all the others?
Am I doing the right things?
You seem to be analyzing the situation very well and acting appropriately.
Keep the door open and someday he may walk in.
I don't agree with dropping the emails. This will give him a sense of abandonment and you agree he doesn't need that.
Write him once a week and keep it light.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com