He's Married, I'm Pregnant
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
OK LOOK ME AND THIS GUY WAS TOGETHER 6 MONTHS WE SHARED PLACE EVERYTHING WELL HE WAS STILL MARRIED BUT SEPARATED AND THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING A DIVORCE, WELL HE LEAVES ME BECAUSE HE TELLS ME HE IS UNHAPPY WITH HIMSELF AND IN ORDER TO BE HAPPY WITH HIMSELF AND FOR US TO EVER BE HAPPY TOGETHER HE HAD TO TRY THE LAST THING WHICH WAS MARRIAGE COUNSELING, HE'S GOT KIDS WITH HER ALSO.
WELL HE TOLD ME TO DO WHAT I WANTED MOVE ON OR WAIT IT WAS UP TO ME AND I TOLD HIM IM GOING TO WAIT BUT IM ONLY GIVING U 3 MONTHS IF IT WORKS WITH YOU TWO THEN I AM MOVING ON BUT IF NOT IM HERE BUT IF THATS THE CASE I WANNA SEE THE DIVORCE PAPERS. AND ON TOP OF THAT IM NOW PREGANANT WITH HIS KID.
WHAT DOES THIS SOUND LIKE TO YOU? WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO? DO YOU THINK IM STUPID FOR WAITING? I REALLY LOVE HIM AND MISS HIM SO MUCH.
It definitely sounds like he got in with you when he was still on the rebound - he hadn't fully gotten over his breakup with his wife and therefore could still contemplate going back to her (i.e. choosing her over you). That's a really, really dangerous situation to be in as you saw. Your relationship with your partner should always be the most important thing you both work on, and the most important thing to protect. The fact that he could choose his old relationship over yours really shows that he wasn't fully out of that one yet.
But what to do now. In one way it's a good sign that he's willing to go to counselling. It means that he's willing to work fully on a relationship as much as he can. Which, if he ends up with you, is a great, great thing. Of course he should have gone through all of this before being WITH you.
He is the father of your child and hopefully will be a part of your life no matter how this turns out, to help support you and the child. Many situations like this turn out well even if the husband goes back to his first family, with the kids growing up together and having half-siblings they love and so on. So keep an open mind about that.
I would take care of yourself primarily. Make sure you eat well, take good care of yourself, are settled and ready for the baby. If he gets clear of his marriage and comes to you, you'll know that he did the best he could for his other family, which is a good thing. And that he is now 100% committed to you, which is also a good thing. And you two can start your new life together.
If he chooses to be with the other family, then again it's good in the sense that he is staying to honor a commitment he made. And he has an equal commitment to you and the baby you two created, and he should help out with that. You can then find a stepfather for the child if you want, and bring more love and caring into the child's life. But I would keep the friendship and the support of your ex, and encourage him to remain in your child's life.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com