I Want to Match Her Experience
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
When we broke up, my ex slept with four other guys. We have been back together for almost a month, and I am having a hard time accepting that she had sex with all those guys. I didnt touch any guys or girls during our break. Even before i cheated on her with a guy, she hooked up with a girl, she just says that it was ok for her to do that because she asked me first and I didnt ask her.
When we have sex now, I often think about another guy doing her and i feel terrible. Will this image fade with time? She tells me to have sex with her differently, and it has to be because one of the guys did her that way...I feel that I love her so much, but I feel since she was able to explore with other guys, i missed out by not exploring with other girls...i almost feel cheated on.
Should I take a break from this relationship to see other girls, or should i grin and bear it?
Life isn't about competing with your partner over sexual experiences. Let's say you guys met for the first time and really had a great time together. But then let's say that you got to talking and she had slept with 8 guys and you had only slept with 6 girls. Does this mean you say to her, "Hold on honey, let me go find 2 women to sleep with, and then we'll be even."
Everything in your past helps to make you what you are now. And you have to love, accept, and embrace what your partner is and what you are. If you go running out sleeping with other people, it won't make you "better". It won't make you "equal to her". It'll just make you DIFFERENT and it might easily make you worse, in the sense of how you feel about yourself.
Are you saying that you think sex with lots of different partners is a fun thing that you wish you could do, and that to you it's more important than having someone who loves you by your side? Then maybe you're not ready for a serious relationship with her then. If you would rather be out sleeping with various women and look at having to 'suffer with' sleeping with just her, that's very unhealthy. It'd be better to not date her - to go out and have your wild nights and one night stands, if that's what you want. She deserves to have someone by her side who WANTS to be there - not someone who feels like he's on a leash when all he wants to do is go bar-hopping.
A relationship isn't about "missing out" on the other women out there. It's about "choosing to be with someone you love". If that's not how you look at your relationship, then maybe you're just not ready for the relationship. If you leave, you're not just "taking a break". You are telling her that she is not the one you want to be with, and she will go find someone else, just as you will go find other people.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com