Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
Ok,here's the deal, met this girl thru mutual friends. She was just breaking up with her boyfriend and had an apparent interest in me. We started talking and then after about 2 weeks we had sex. At first I told her that I was just looking to have a good time and she said the same thing.but she made it seem like she wanted something more and that scared me at first. She was really fellin me though and would call and be really interested in seeing me. I would call her too so that you know it wasn't one way. According to our mutual "female" friend the sex was great! after about one month of seeing her about once a week, (because of my schedule), I would try to hang out and she would always make an excuse as to why she couldn't come out and see me. This has been going on for a while with me only seeing her for an hour or two at a time before she leaves with her friends to go somewhere else for the night. I told her on the phone that it seems that she just doesn't have the drive to see me anymore and she said that she does want to see me but she's got a lot going on right now. It has now been three weeks since then and she still calls me and we talk. She invited me over the other day and we hung out for a while until her friend showed up so I didn't really get a chance to talk to her about my feelings which have developed for her. I did call her later that day to thank her for having me over(mind you that I did not talk to her for a week)before the day she called me out of the blue to come over(she said she wanted to see me)anyways, when I thanked her she said it was a "spur of the moment thing" and that it "gave her something to do". She tells me that she does want to talk to me and that if she didn't she would tell me, well she hasn't told me anything yet. It just baffles me how she goes out with her friends, not me, but still calls me. keeping in mind that this girl WAS head over heels for me and now is just non chalant about the whole thing. She tells me we are friends and that I shouldnt expect to get a piece of ass everytime we hang out. So it seems to me that she had feelings at first and got turned away because I didn't express the same "relationship" feeling she did (because I was scared of commitment)and she just thinks that I look at her as a piece of ass which could explain why she never wants to hang out anymore even though in my mind it was really nice to just cuddle too! Now that i have feelings I can't even get her to hang out with me, its really gettin to me. Does she still like me? how could things do a one eighty on me so quik? By the way she indicates that her and her ex are still talking on a friendly basis, I think they are still scrumpin and that she just wants to see whats up with him now. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!! Thanx.
I just don't know what to say about her actions.
You suggested two good possibilites... the first is that she doesn't realize how much you care for her and second she may be heading back to her ex.
Try asking her out for dinner and get her to talk about what's going on between you two and let out your feelings for her. Even if she doesn't go along with you, at least you will know you tried.
If she won't go out to dinner then try to talk it out on the phone or get together somehow alone. You will be disappointed with yourself if you let her slip away.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com