Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
U guys are great advisors. I e-mail you guys before and it was a great help. This time I am not the one who needs the advice. its my best friend Melissa. She has been having a a lot of problems due to the fact that her mother hates her boyfriend. I have tried to give her advice but nothing works with her mom. My best friend is 21 and her boyfriend is 22 they have been going out for 5 months. the guy has a 1 year old baby and broke up with his baby's mother just a few weeks before he started going out with my friend. Her mom can not even see him. She absolutely hates him. she doesnt want him near my best friend. she says that they have told her that he is not responsible with his son (economically and emotional). My friend told her that is not true but she she refuse to listed to anything she has to say. she tells me that her moms says that if he dares to go to the house she will hit him or kick him out of the house. My friend really loves him. she is a junior in college and says that she looks foward on marrying the guy. the guy send my friends mom flowers on her birthday and a card and she throw it in the trash. the other thing that her mom hates is the fact that my friend sleeps over his house 4 days out of the week and even though she says she is sleeping over my house her mom is definitely not stupid so when she comes back home..oh my god its hell, she has already kick her out of the house but them she starts acting nice with my friend. I know her mom dont want her to leave the house cause I know the lady, and I told my friend that it was wrong to sleep over his house I told her that the if the guy likes her he has to loose all his pride and try to go to her house and have a normal relationship where he goes and visits her and then leaves the house specially that we are Colombians and I know that my mom will kill me if I sleep over my boyfriends house if I am not marry to the guy. the other problem is that the guy is kind of immature cause he seems to not understant, everytime my best friend and her mom have arguments thanks to the guys he just come up with...Lets move out. that to me its irrational...I told her that she needs to find a way to get to know the guy because if she moves out her mom is not only going to hate the guy but she is going to resent the daughter. I really want to help her, I dont want her to make the wrong choice.
Hi! Unfortunately I can't answer questions that are asked on behalf of another person. There are too many opportunities for misunderstands.
In this case, it seems that the mother is over-reacting to her daughter's interest in her boyfriend. But what can be done about it. The boyfriend has tried everything he can to win her over with flowers etc.
If your girlfriend is dependent on her mother for college payments then she has a choice to make... hope that her mother continues to support her despite her relationship, or strike out on her own.
My advice is that she try to remain solid with her mother while at the same time having a relationship with her boyfriend. This is not an easy thing to do, but probably the most realistic at this point.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com