Is She Playing Games?

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
hey i have a girlfreind and i love her so much.right but anyways i was wondering how long i should wait till i kiss her. and how do i really tell that she likes me and that its not just a game. Advice
First, the kissing part. There's no set time - "1 day" "1 month" or anything else. A kiss is an exchange of affection and intimacy between two individuals. TWO of you are involved and both of you have to be ready. Since every single human is different, that's something only you two can know. Kissing is a very close form of contact. So it means that you should already be very comfortable and easy with hugging, arms around each other, holding hands, nuzzling side by side, all of that. If you're still nervous with those, then wait! A kiss is about being totally relaxed with someone. If you're super nervous about being close enough to kiss, you're missing the whole point :)

Next, the "does she like me". Well if you're already thinking about kissing her, I certainly hope she doens't dislike you!! So now you're playing word games with "like". What does "like" mean to you? It means something different to every single person. She likes you enough to talk to you. That's a start. She likes you enough to be your girlfriend. That's pretty obvious. So exactly what level of like are you worried about?

Like isn't an "either/or" thing. It's a continuous scale and every one of us goes up and down that scale EVERY SINGLE DAY. Even people who are married for years like their partners more on some days and less on others. It all depends on what is going on, what the person has done recently, how you're feeling, all sorts of things.

So instead of worrying where she is on the Like Scale, pay attention to how YOU feel. Do you feel happy? Not happy? Talk to her. Communication is the KEY to any relationship and without it, it's sort of hard to call yourself girlfriend/boyfriend. You're just people who hang out. To be really girlfriend/boyfriend, you have that level of communication where you can truly talk about things and share how you feel. So ask her how she feels! Tell her how you feel! Then you'll know where you both are on that Like Scale, and you'll find out how to make things even better.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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