I live in NY right on the outskirts of manhattan.
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
hello...well my situation kind of sucks. I live in NY right on the outskirts of manhattan..My b/f and i moved out of the city to grow closer and have some privacy but he broke up with me because I was clinically depressed and couldnt maintain the relationship, I needed help but couldnt get the strength to go. After he broke up with me he said he would stay with me in the apt until I had enough money to get my own place since I lost my job and I needed support from my parents and I could barely afford my place anyway but I was due to inherit money in Oct and this was in May...We didnt have a lease but he felt bad bailing on me. So he said he would give me time to get set financially and he would stay and pay rent . He spent alot of time in manhattan b/c his friends are there and he works there but he did spend 5 nights a week here. I really thought we would get back together but I would try and convince him almost everynight and he told me to back off but I never did. He said to just let him be and he needed to be "selfish" b/c he gave up his life for me but if i backed off we could start of doing some casual activities together but I never earned that privelage being so pushy. Finally it got so bad for him that he couldnt stay here and he stayed on her friends couch for the last 2 months but left his belongings here. I still would call him and email him at work and he said she wanted me not to be home when he would come home once a week to do laundry and sleep in his bed. I still would engage him and he moved up his move out date to Sept b/c he couldnt take sleeping on the couch anymore. But for the last month I became civil with him and we got along fine. But now he is gone and he will only give me one more months rent and then im on my own. Now Im prepared to move on , b/c I have the money i need and i have an apt set up in 3 weeks so I have that to look forward to. What I need to know b/c regardless I want to try and win him back in time ,does the clock start ticking now for space, since I didnt do it before and i was up his ass alot ?. We loved each other for over 6 years and we talked marriage all the time but I never got to see that day . I mean in April he loved me and commented how much fun we did have when he did stuff but the depression killed him finally. I was still in his life quite a bit but I harrased him alot. I mean if I started not bothering him from this point on and he sees im respecting his wishes finally and I am backing off. Is this the "official" beginning of me not being in his life where he would see if he missed me or not ? I have not given him ounce of space since our break up and he hasnt had a chance to miss me yet ? I mean he doesnt know what its like for me to be 100% not in his life anymore b/c I never was and he saw me and heard from me alot..Tell me what you think, I am def not going to contact him for awhile.
Definitely do not contact him for awhile.
Get some counseling for your depression if you haven't done so already. This is very important to you and to your hopes of a relationship with your ex.
He has been very, very generous to you and so you should be willing to sacrifice and not contact him until he has had some time and space which should start now. Call him every month or so and ask him how he is doing. Remind him you love him but do not discuss your relationship any further than that simple statement. You want him to know how you feel but without pressuring him.
Good luck to you!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com