logo


Romantic Forums! Get the answers you seek quickly and easily! If you can't find what you need
here amongst our tens of thousands of tips and questions, be sure to Post in our Romantic Forum!
We've got over 9,800 members ready to give you a hand!
A Love Quote
Commit yourself wholeheartedly and unconditionally to the most important people in your life. --Brian Tracy



My Ex keeps Calling Me



Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hi, I am a 22 yr old girl and have been going out with this guy for the past 4 years, he is 20. We split up recently but he still calls and he wants me back. Half of me wants to be with him and the other half knows that he is not right for me. I still do love and care for him and sometimes think that I should get back together with him but then I think "What if My feelings change in a few weeks". He is still quite immature in a lot of ways and I am afraid of hurting his feelings. I am very confused.... What should I do ? How can I overcome this ?




RomanceClass.com Advice
If you went out for that long and broke up, something must have been rather seriously mismatched between you two. People don't leave happy situations just "because" - the massive change and restructuring that goes on isn't worth it. So it sounds like he just isn't accepting whatever was wrong between you two and can't find any closure.

Breakups are always hard and the loneliness always seems far worse than the relationship was at first. But you went INTO that loneliness because you just couldn't live with the relationship. And believe me, relationships don't fix themselves or just get better. If after 4 years you hit an issue you couldn't talk through and resolve, it was probably something serious.

Give it another week or two, give yourself time to start getting through all the emotions and feelings. It's always easy to fall back into the relationship rather than be alone - and then you break up all over again because the issues are all still there. And plus, now you've shown each other that you're willing to leave when it gets bad which means future breakups are sort of easier and easier. So give yourself time to start healing first.

Closure is definitely important, so when a week or two have passed, I wouldn't turn him down if he wanted to have dinner together in a restaurant - somewhere public. Talk about just what wasn't right about in the relationship - not in a "you were bad!" way but in a "this was an issue that we just couldn't find a solution to." He might try to start thinking up solutions. But really, if you couldn't find solutions over 4 years of being together, probably you would have tried whatever would have worked. It's more than you need to accept that a lot of dating is trying out what works and doesn't work. You have to assume that you have a lot of missed attempts before you finally figure out a combination that is a good one. And it's not that you guys were awful together - you had many good qualities. Now you know what to look for in a partner - and you can still stay friends with each other and appreciate the things you do have in common.

Many people who date in your age range stay friends for life, staying close even while you go on to marry others. That close friendship can be incredibly important through your entire life. So don't think of it as losing each other. Think of it as accepting each other for what you are - treasuring what does mesh well, and realizing that somewhere out there is someone who is the perfect *partner*, even though you guys are great *friends*.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





Add RomanceClass  to Twitter Add RomanceClass  to Facebook Add RomanceClass  to MySpace Add RomanceClass  to Del.icio.us Digg RomanceClass+ Add RomanceClass  to Yahoo My Web Add RomanceClass  to Google Bookmarks Add RomanceClass  to Stumbleupon Add RomanceClass  to Reddit
 


Speak Your Mind - Share your Thoughts on this Question!

All Advice in the category - Breakup Issues

Browse our Answer Database
- Browse Answers by Question Category
- Browse Answers by Age Group
- Browse Answers by Date of Response



Please read through the advice on this site before you Submit your Own Question! We have thousands of pages of valuable advice that can immediately help you with your situation.
Advertisement


Sparkly Irridescent Glitz Gel

Going to a party or special event? What to feel special no matter what you're doing? Roll on some glitz! Perfect for adding a special bit of sparkle to your day or evening.

Buy Glitz Gel at EclecticLady.com




Bookmark this site so you can reference it any time you need romantic / relationship info in the future!

Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Twitter Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Facebook Add Romance+Class+Website+ to MySpace Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Del.icio.us Digg Romance+Class+Website+ Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Yahoo My Web Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Google Bookmarks Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Stumbleupon Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Reddit


 

Follow Me on Pinterest


Romantic Tshirts, Bags, Mugs and More!

Love is Patient
Love is Patient ...
Deeply Loved
Deeply Loved ...
Random Kindness
Random Kindness ...

These are just a small selection - Visit the RomanceClass Shop!

Join This Newsletter!


 
RomanceClass on Facebook




Join This Newsletter!

Past Issues





| About RomanceClass | Advertising | Privacy Policy | Submit a Suggestion |
All content copyright 2013 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.

this site is for amusement only - professional advice is not being rendered

Italian Wedding