He's Jealous of Me
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My husband of 6 years is getting worse in the insecure/jealousy aspect. We have 3 children most recent being 1 and I have transformed my body back to that of before we were married. I admit I am dressing sexier but thats because I feel good about my self, I am only 23.... I look now as if I haven't had 1 kid.
The problem is that everytime we go out as a family or couple men look at me and he feels that its my fault. I love him to death and adore him sooooo much. BUT Frankly I am not about to start babysitting him and proving to him my love I have done it too much and now he always responds with divorce as the fix, What is going on here??? To give you more background we married early I @ 16 him @ 20 and I was young and dumb you might say I have persued a career and graduated school but he did not, On top he is a bit overweight But I love him as he is!!!
I could go on and on but the point is I love him and divorce would solve my problems of his stupidity but we have 3 children too, and I am not a quitter for he is...But I am not going to keep being the rubberband of this marriage which at times when we have our petty fights is how I FEEL!!! WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP HIM?
It definitely sounds like he is worried about losing you, you're young and lovely and a proven good mommy and all the rest. You graduated school and have motivation. He looks at himself and sees that he's tubby, didn't graduate, why would you stay? So he sort of goes into this "I might as well leave so it's not as painful" thought pattern.
You can't ever fix someone else's jealousy. It's in his brain. Sure you can try to keep reassuring him, but his jealousy is about his insecurity. That's something he has to fix, you can't fix it for him.
I agree completely that you can't be expected to keep taking care of his insecurities. And I doubt he'll fix them on his own. So I would sit down with him and suggest you guys talk with a counsellor. Say perhaps that it's just to get a handle on raising 3 kids at such a young age. That's a huge burden for any family to take on. Remember, the way you two interact is going to form the entire basis of what your kids think is "normal". So if you two are having strange arguments or are tense, that affects how your kids will grow up and have their OWN relationships.
He needs to come to accept that you love him, period. And to be PROUD of what you are and have become. That is the core of any healthy relationship - two best friends who encourage each other and are proud of each other.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com