Do girls just want a Good Looking Guy?

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
what do girls look in a boy to get attracted? is it the mere physical attraction? what about their views on guys who are not that attractive but good in all the other aspects? Advice
You can never generalize. Every single girl is different. One girl might have fallen hook-and-sinker for the "only pretty people need apply" line that TV and movies have fed her. You can probably tell that sort of girl right away. She's obsessed with how she looks, only wants to hang out with the "pretty people" and wants the same in a guy. She doesn't care if the guy beats her up, as long as he looks good with her at a party. AVOID AT ALL COSTS.

Most girls, however, are more intelligent than that. Looks tell you NOTHING about any human being. All it says is that their dad and mom had certain genes which, combined, came up with X. A person can't control how they look! So to judge them based on that is like saying a cat is better or worse because its hair is black, brown or white. How about if the cat is gentle and purrs, or if it hisses and scratches? That's what matters!

So most girls (and most people) do indeed realize that it's what a person IS that matters. If someone looks "nice" but then yells at you all the time and picks on you in public, do you really want to be with them? A great relationship is all about being happy together. Life is too short to spend it being unhappy! And happiness is about enjoying each other, having fun together, being friends, being able to talk and share and relish life. So the two happiest people you'll find won't even care what each other looks like. They can be perfectly happy with their eyes closed, holding hands. Or kissing, or hugging, or hanging out, or doing things they enjoy.

One thing I'll add though. The happiest relationship is made up of two people who are happy already, and then find someone else to share their happiness. If one person goes into the relationship all unhappy and grumpy, and the other person spends the entire relationship trying to cheer up person #1, this is a really stressful way to go through life. So if one person is always down on himself because he feels he's not worth it or ugly, it puts a HUGE strain on the relationship. Each person has to really just ACCEPT themselves. None of us are perfect. We all have flaws. We're all human. If you can say "I am what I am, and I'll be the best I can be" and then offer that to someone else, they will take you for what you are and enjoy your gifts. But if you go to someone and say "I'm ugly and not worthy. Please keep reminding me that you won't leave me" then it's going to be rough.

So rethink your question. It's not that you're not attractive! EVERY human is attractive. Out there in the world, there is SOMEONE for every single body type and facial type and so on. You need to be happy with what you are, proud of what you have to offer, and then find someone who appreciates you. They're out there. Just persue your interests, and find someone else who shares them!

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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