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Love is a fruit in season at all times. -- Mother Teresa

Is she cheating on me?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and 1 month. We have overcome everything....well, at least everything. Lately, I haven't been able to call or come over. Work has killed me. She is always hanging around her friend (which is a female). I soon come to find out that her friend is a dyke....you know....gay!! But I didn't bother to say anything because I had remember them being friends since before we got together.

Okay, one day... they went to her house....I didn't bother to say anything because her mom was there. But then I remembered we did a lot with out her mother finding out. The next week, my ex-girl friend (not to mention she is a dyke too,and i didn't do it that was way, way after we dated) told my girlfriend to stop showing out before she tells me what's really going on. My girlfriend didn't deny it.

Now that made me think. Do you think that I have let her slip away and forced her to cheat? Everytime she calls or e-mails me, she wants me to run and go get something. Do you think she is using me? How can I catch her in the act?

RomanceClass.com Advice
You can't force someone to cheat. There are people who cheat without any provocation at all. And there are people who have tons of abuse and bad behavior from their partner and yet do not cheat. Cheating is very much a personal choice to betray a commitment they made. So if your girlfriend has chosen to do this, no matter if it's with a boy or a girl, she is choosing actively to betray you and the commitment SHE made to you.

You need to sit down and talk with her about this. Tell her you know that she's attracted to this other girl, since that much seems obvious. And tell her that you two are in a relationship which means she needs to first be honest with you about what she is doing, and second that she needs to make a decision here. You do NOT deserve to have a unfaithful girlfriend. Many girls would be thrilled with your attention, even if you are busy. Think of all the long distance relationships where the people are apart for months! For her to think it's OK for her to betray you for *any* reason is just wrong.

Hopefully if you two talk this through you can get some sort of resolution. If she wants to be with this other girl, she has to LET you know. She can't just assume that you only deserve part of her attention. It's no different because she's with a girl and not a guy. It's still a betrayal of trust, and trust is the most important thing that any relationship has.

If she swears up and down and sideways that she really is NOT involved with this other woman, then point out that the way she is acting is causing talk to go around and is causing people to look down on your relationship. That she should always talk with you first, that you two should be best friends against the world.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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