He's So Shy
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
me and this guy i like have been flirting with each other the last 2 months or so. At first i questioned whether he liked me or not and realized that all the signs he gave me pointed to a "yes he does like me" conclusion.
my only problem is that he's really shy. he's never had a gf before and i've had a few relationships. we're seniors in high school and he told me one night that he thought relationships are stupid, or that most of them are. Most of his friends are single and inexperienced as well, so its not like he gets any peer pressure to go out and find a relationship.
the first time i hung out with him was before our christmas break and he gave me his number to call him when i got back from my trip to disneyland. when i called him back christmas eve he wasn't feeling very well so i told him to call me sometime and i gave him my numbers. i didn't get a call from him the rest of the vacation so i talked with him on the monday we got back to school. the next weekend he calls me and asks to hang out and unfortunately i couldn't on the friday night, but i chilled with him a little on saturday night. at school he's not as talkative to me, but he has a lot of loud mouth friends so i could understand why he doesn't really hang with me. anyway, its a weird situation because it seems like he wants me to make the moves. like i asked him to come with me to my friends party and he ditched his friends to come with me even though he didn't know anyone that would be at the party. (very cool)anyway, at the party we were watching lord of the rings so i asked him if he saw the two towers yet and he was like "no..u should take me sometime" and its like he wants me to always invite him to places and wants me to call him instead of him doing the calling.
one time, randomly i called him just to see what was up and he was like totally into the convo and when i told him i should let him go he insisted i stay on.
im pretty sure he likes me coz he's called me "hot" in a really dumb way and he flirts with me and seems interested, its just confusing to me why he doesn't wanna take more initiative. like he'll ask me if i'm going to a punk show, but he doesn't invite personally, like if i want to go with him. if i don't show up he asks where i was and the one time i did show up he hung out with me for like only a few minutes then went off with his friend?so its frustrating because i don't know what he wants from me? he wants to hang out, but usually i have to take the initiative and call him first. i have nothing wrong with this,except the fact that i don't know where to take him and i dont wanna scare him by being overly aggressive.
i really don't wanna be the one to call him all the time and ask him out in fear that he'll get annoyed or turned off like i have done to other guys in the past. i wanna help this guy loosen up without being too aggressive and wanna kno of places we can go that are fun, free, and not too romantic coz i wanna get to kno him more.
i guess my main question is what to do with him? should i just casually call him more? i usually only call him every other week because i haven't heard anything from him earlier in the week. and if he does like me, is it possible that he is really shy and wants me to do most of the work? i'm just so confused about this guy. i've never had a situation like this before, where the guy had really mixed signals or was really slow in making a move! i need help! i like this guy and i want to become closer without scaring him off. what can i do with this confusing boy?
It's funny that we assume a girl that is totally passive is "shy and normal" but a guy who is totally passive is "broken and needs to be fixed". Some guys are just shy. Some girls are just friendly and outgoing. It's a normal thing in life and it's not something that tends to change.
So you guys have fun together, accept it and enjoy it! He wants you to take the initiative, he's said so many times. So he's happy with that, that's the way he's comfortable. And he actively wants to do things with you. Lots of relationships have the girls as the planners and organizers. I guess that's going to be you. As long as you guys keep talking together, and he keeps saying this is what he likes things to be like, you're all set!
He has to realize that relationships aren't about 'getting a girl' but about 'being with your best friend who is female'. Once he realizes that I think he'll be much more into the relationship.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com