back in '99 i started dating his guy (boy A)..stuff was good at first

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
this might be a little confusing at first, but it sets the stage for my ?'s & problems at the end...

back in '99 i started dating his guy (boy A)..stuff was good at first, i moved into his mom's house, we got engaged, then in 9/02 he said he wanted to date other girls (since i was his 1st g/f)..he looked & talked off/on on the internet from then till 1/05 when he met a girl online and cheated on me..BUT since '04 i kept wishing/hoping/praying that I meet a new b/f who had the same name, job, interests etc as boy the end of 1/05 i ironically met a guy online (boy B) who had the same everything as boy A (but better!) and he was the 1st guy i found online too!!..and another ironic thing is the girl boy A met has the same name as me and the girl and boy B are from the suburb while me and boy A live in the same city!!..i dunno if its fate or what??..but everyday i feel like its a blessing and it was ment to be.. when boy B and i started hanging out offline and when he wanted to date me, boy A found out and became jealous and wanted me back..i wanted nothing to do with boy A anymore..then boy A started getting in the way with boy B and me..then one day boy B and i got into a little argument and he IMed & called the girl boy A met to see what was going on and she told boy B bad lies about me..i was upset, but i didn't want t break up with him..

boy B and i dated from 3/05 to 6/ that time it was hard to establish a proper relationship cause we stuff kept happening like: we were sick, he hurt his leg, i work and my parents house are an hour away from boy B's house, he was staying to start a business etc..we made the best of the time we had together but it was scarce..

so one night i asked him a ? of how long does he thinks we will be together and he said he doesn't know..then that weekend he told me he wanted time apart cause he had too much going on in his life and he said i need to mature more and take better care of myself (i think he didn't like that i don't eat meat and exercise a lot) and get along better w/ my family...we had a big fight..i was scared to leave that i'd never see him again (boy A and his new girl told boy B that i would never leave boy A's house when we had fights which isn't true)..i started to drive home and freaked out and he had to come and get me...we talked for a while again in my truck he said he didn't want a g/f for a while (now i find out he's casually dating other girls)...i also told him i loved him (we never said it to each other before, but we used "i like you very much" instead..another thing is he just turned 26 and he's had 6 g/fs before me and the longest relationship he was in was for only 6 months and all the other girls he dated either cheated on him or broke up with him..when we were going out he told me he went on dates with a lot of girls and they never worked out and the girls he DATED never told him they loved him and vice versa..he always said he'd never break up with me or cheat on me..sometimes i said i was breaking up with him cause i was angry about something and felt i had more control in this relationship, but i never ment it...

since that night we haven't spoken since..i sent him 2 emails the day after and he only read them..stupid me put up some ways messages that i need a place to stay/stayed in my truck cause i was upset..then a few weeks later he blocked me on AOL and took me out of his profile..he had problems doing so and accused me of going on his s/n and put everything back up which isn't true..i never had his password...from the break up till now i tried calling him about 5x and he won't answer..i sent him a few letters and a b-day card and the one letter he R2S..i dunno if he read the rest..the day after we broke up i was upset and IMed one of his exes (he showed me her s/n b4) cause he did the same thing to me b4 and me and her talked and she said a lot of bad things about him and she would never speak to him again and she also said that she would never tell anyone i IMed her..but at some point she went and told his mom and him that i was stalking him and i find out she and him are close again (yet she's engaged)...another time i was going to be in the next town from him so i left a voicemail seeing if he wanted to talk..but he accused me of stalking him..i don't go to his house/job, i don't email/IM him, i don't call his house # (just his cell 5x), i don't talk to his other friends/family/roommate etc..i've never yelled, accused, threatened him far as boy A, 6/6 was last time i talked to him and i dunno if he still talks to boy A or his new girl behind my back??..i also found out someone created a screen name like mine and talked to boy B on AOL and he got very angry...

another thing i should day after we broke up i didn't have to be in work till later, so i was gunna go to target..i got held up and left later than i wanted to..right by my work and target i saw him in his tow truck at a red light in the other direction..mind you this was in the 5th largest city in the US!!!..i dunno how much more fate that could be???

i dunno if he has a bad impression of me from everything that has gone on..i REALLY like him a lot...i know fate or something brought us together..we didn't have enough time to have a proper relationship..we haven't spoken in almost 3 months...i also think he doesn't think we have a lot in common, but i KNOW we do..i would like for him to know and to prove to him that i am a good person and i changed for the better (people even told me i have!)..if him and one of his exes hated each other so much and now they are good friends, why can't the same happen to me and him?? can i get him to not listen to other people's bad opinions of me..i want him to know i dot mind (from experiences w/ boy A) if he needs like for both jobs and im not like the other girls and i won't cheat on him how can i get him to realize couples break up and get back together all the time and its not a bad thing or to be ashamed of???...we he had so many plans too..and i know now i am totally a girl he would want to be do i get thru to him or tell him or prove to him all of this and to make him think/KNOW i am not some crazy/psycho/stalker person????..thanks for reading :O) Advice
You've got to do something to get him off your mind for a while like getting out of the city for a week or a weekend. Go with a friend and have some fun!

Boy B is not going to take you back until some time has passed and he can get his mind straight again. Right now you are too intense for him and he is holding you away from him.

You have tried everything there is to try and he hasn't responded to it so just sit back and let time and space do its thing. After three weeks call him and ask him how he's doing. Don't talk about relationships until he feels comfortable with normal chit-chat.

I hope this works out for you!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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