Hi I am trying to get my ex of only 2 month's back
Visitor's Question from a 51-60 year old Female
Hi I am trying to get my ex of only 2 month's back. We met through a dating site. Both got on well from the start. We talked for hours on the phone and arranged to meet after 2 weeks. It was surreal but amazing. We both felt love before the meeting which to both was strange as it is usually the other way round. We both told eachother the most personal things and both within a month talked about long terms plans together such as moving to be closer e.t.c. We travelled to each others 4 times in total staying a few days at a time. Each time getting on better in every way. We met one anothers family and all seemed great. His family and friends were happy he had found someone at last! He told me he didn't think he wouldbe with anyone again. He had finished with a partner of 3 years 6 months ago. He said it was a loveless relationship neither had anything in common and had been trying to finish it for ages. Previous to that he was married and got hurt badly. His wife cheated on him and he said it took him 5 years to get over. Our relaitonship seemed perfect as we both had so much in common more so than either had found before with anyone.
I also have been cheated on but never would let it affect a new relationship. Things went wrong 2 weeks ago. I had told him I would go back with him on the Sunday after being at mine. I decided to not go and told him as I had a few things arranged the next week I would fly to see him the following Friday. He seemed ok about this so I thought no more about it. He went back on the Sunday and was crying when he left as he always did. I said to him not to forget I loved him he said the same. He rang me that night to say he was late getting back as he had a blow out on the motorway. He seemed ok though. The next day I got my usual loving text saying he was so glad to have spoken to me last night and loved me so completly! He rang me later to ask if I minded not coming to see him that Friday as his parents asked him to go to Paris with him and his son. His son is 22 and was on leave from the Army. I felt upset but felt I couldn't say no. He seemed so excited and said it was a great thing he wanted to do. He asked me if I minded. That night he sent me a text saying nice sthings probably not as loving. I had already sensed by the phone call a little distance. I sent him a similar text back thinking all was in my head. He didn't text or answer me back for 2 days. I eventually on the Firday said in a text I needed to know what was wrong. He eventually after dozens of text's and calls texted me back. He said he no longer wanted us. He had changed his mind and preffered being on his own. Less complications. Sorry for hurting me. I was devasted. I asked him to ring me to talk as it was wrong to finish by text. He said no as he wouldn't change his mind. I realised after texting him for ages he wouldn't. I was desperate and asked my friend(neighbour) to text him. She did and asked him to be decent and give me proper reason and also to speak to me on the phone. He sent her a text back saying to her that she must keep out of his buisness and asked if she was texting on my other phone. The one I use for my other life. She replied saying I didn't have another life. I sent him a long letter on the Monday putting down what I thought might be wrong. If he thought things were moving too fast we could slow things down. I told him that he was the one who was full on also. He had said he wasn't a jealous person but thinking about things think he may not have shown his jealousy at the time but would have it in his head. He had remarked on many occasions that I never liked to walk over the road were I lived with him. He thought I didn't want to be seen with him. THis wasn't true. I explained I wanted to go on my own so he wouldn't pay for things. He would never let me pay. He didn't seem to beleive me. He had asked me if he could trust me.
He had often asked why I wanted to be with him. He used to say things like he didn't look very good in the mirror that day. I think he maybe a little insecure so I always tried to reassure him that I was serious. He didn't reply to my letter but did to a text. I had told him I wanted to come and see him to talk. I got a call and we talked for 3 hours. He told me all the loving things he said he had meant at the time. He said he thought thnigs were great but had a reality check. He had told me before he was scared of getting hurt again. I asked if he was sure about things and he said yes. I only found out he was angry I didn't go back with him on the Sunday by chance. He said he had arranged time off work e.t.c I told him he should have told nme but he said I should have asked. I managed to get him to agree to see me. I flew to his on The Saturday and he greeted me with a cld hug. I got in his car and he said look I agreed to you coming but you can't change my mind. I said so what is it. I asked if he trusted me he said he didn't think so. I have never gone behind anyones back. I asked him what else he said he started thinking when I didn't go back with him. He said he got bad vibes about me and already knoew I would let him down about that. H esaid he may have infidielity issies in his head. We talked like this until we got back to his and then things seemed to revert to being ok again. He didn't say as loving things but did tell me he loved me. Everything including sex was better. I remeber he said you are making such anj effort now. I thought strange! For the next 2 days we had a great time like we were together. He took me to special places took lot's of pics of me. On the day beore he had to go back ot work he seemed to get distant. Hew asked me when I was gonig back .I said I could go that day if he wanted. He said that would be best as he could give me a lift to the airport. I couldn't believe it. He said he still felt the same he thought we would have a nice time while I was there though. He told me he didn't want a relationship like he thought maybe he wasn't readsy. H esaid it wasn't me it was stuff he needed to sort in his head. I aske dif we could be casual no peressure as thought it was to good to lose. He said not really as hard to have long distance. He sadi also I would think there was a future. I asked him if there was anyone else he said no . He held my hand and cuddled me on the way to the airport. Told me if we were both on our own at Xmas time perhaps we could get together as not a nice time to be on your own. He seemed to be so into me saying I was such a babe . We are both vain and take care of ourselves. We are both 41 just to let you know. I really did and do love ihm. I told him I wouldn't contact him again as felt it was up to him .He agreed. That last day last week he seemed to look for negative things to say to me. I ironed his uniform and he told me I too kmuch longer than him. H then said he couldn't handle getting home from work and me being there. H e hated it when his ex and her children lived with him .Sharing bathrooms e.t.c I have no baggage and am fine financially. I know he has been used financially by 3 women in his past but he knows I pay my way and am not after anything like that. H said he thought I must be running from something. He said he didn't think it was normal my home phone never rang when he was there. My mobile vibrated in my back. I told him if I had anything to hide I would have swithched it off or not brought it. H esaid he rang me one night and I didn't answer my mob which isn't working properly so couldn't hear him. He rang my home no but was a fauly form my brouadmand connection. I know it seems strange but genuinely neither worked. i went to my local phone box and rang him .He said he thought i was with someone else and we were taking the mikey. Why would I do that. I was the one who asked him to ring me. I don't know if he is serious in thinking these things or if an excuse to be rid of us. I said no I have no problems in my life he didn't know about. H esaid he felt there were things he didn't know. I haven't heard since he rang me on my birthday last Wednesday. I feel so rejected and feel I have lost the best relationship ever. Please advise. I'm sorry for this being so long and maybe confusing. I am desperate please , pleazse help.
He really has some emotional problems.
He is throwing away the best shot at happiness he will probably ever have again.
He needs counseling but probably won't be willing to go.
What can you do? You are an intelligent woman and have already gone all out in trying to work with this poor man. I can't think of anything more than what you have tried except the counseling.
Perhaps biding time will eventually resolve his reservations. Keep doing the things you have been doing and hope for the best.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com