Now if I contact her outside this apartment I am being labeled as an harraser

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me 6 months ago , but we had to continue to live together since we werent allowed to break our lease. Now we had been up and down for the years together mostly b/c of my behavior. We broke up a couple years ago but I won her back after 4 months. At this time I was taking an antidepressant for anxiety. We moved in together and talked about the future, marriage , etc, etc We were excited and said "no more break ups",. Well about 6 months into it I started behaving erratic again and felt out of control so I went back to the doctor and she highered my dosage of the antidepressant. A few months later I became physically ill and had no clue why.The doctor took me off my meds and I was told that it had had a reverse effect on me and I was suffering from serotinin syndrome which is possibly fatal and usually lasts anywhere between 4 -12 months. I still felt crazy, was scared to leave the house, getting panic attacks, couldnt drive and a dozen of other physical symptons and I only felt better by self medicating and I had pushed her almost totally away. Well we started our new lease in Dec and I still was feeling like garbage and didnt have the strength to get help and finally she broke up with me in Jan. Naturally I was crushed and I begged her and begged her but she would only talk to me in the apt and she started going out all the time and wouldnt tell me about her life. Well eventually after continuing to self distruct I got myself into a treatment program where they discoved I was Bi-Polar and that the Paxil I was taking blew me into full blown manic episodes and that would explain my behavior through the last year but also the mood swings I had during our previous 4 years and throughout life. I was so happy that I found out why I was the way I was and it made sense since I have been in a lot of trouble throughtout my lifetime if it wasnt for my family I could be in jail. Anyways throughout all this she knew I was sick but she fell out of love with me b/c I turned into this different person and although I was just recently diagnosed she still knew some thing wasnt right with me but she never offered help she basically thought I was a crazy nut who was too weak and selfish to get better and put it all on me to get the help when I wasnt strong enough. For the first 4 months of the break up I was pleading with her constantly to come back and that I needed her but she abandoned me and went on with her life. Now I am on the right meds and feeling much better am in excellent shape I(i had gained 40 lbs lost it all)do NOT drink at all and have turned the rest of my life around but she wont give me a chance to show her. She has been sleeping on a friends couch for 6 weeks since she cant take me bringing up the past and telling her that behind my illness is the man she loved and was fun and caring and to spend time with me. I am a great person that has done alot for her over time but last year I was just so crippled and being sick I just pushed her away but I still love her so very much, If I didnt get misdiagnosed we would probably be engaged. I write her nice letters and send her flowers and cards and she just gets more and more pissed. Being an untreated bi-polar it is documented that you will have extra difficulty with breakups but in my case I feel as if she felt selfish b/c I embarrased her and inconvenienced her life for over a year but it was b/c I was sick and I needed help. What should I do ? I know I should give her space which has been difficult for me but I know that has to be honored from now on or Ill never have a shot, but shes moving in 3 weeks and I wont know to what neighborhood and Im scared that I will never hear from her again. I feel as she resents me and will never miss me b/c she doesnt remember the good things I did for her and the times we shared only the bad ones.And most if not all of my behavior changes were due to my illness. I want to know if she ever thinks about me and want her to miss me when I am really gone and we dont have any business to take care of anymore. Should I feel abandoned ? What besides taking care of me can I do and is there any hope that this girl could eventually realize that she made a mistake to not help me in any capacity. I mean we havent had much space, and she says she's hurt too but insists she is not blaming me for last year bit thats why she dumped me b/c she felt as there was no hope. Thats b/c I was sick ! Now if I contact her outside this apartment I am being labeled as an harraser and Im not repecting her and justing torturing her and to think 6 months ago she was kissing me and telling me she loved me but my struggles with my behavior put her over the edge with no turning back. If she thinks she feels torture how about how she ignored all my cries for help when she split up with me , she didnt even help me as a friend I feel cheated BUT I miss her terribly...PLEASE HELP OR TELL ME IF WHAT I AM FEELING IS WRONG OR NOT. SHE HAS A GREAT SIDE TO HER BUT SHE HIDES IT FROM ME NOW AND I ONLY GET ATTITUDE OR DISTANCE !! I AM SORRY SO LONG Advice
You might wonder whether you are behaving normally with her.

All the stress and medications probably had an affect on you and she feels it.

Ask her how you are coming across to her. Does she feel that you are normal, or does she still feel that you are abnormal?

Her answer will give you valuable information on how to procede. If she feels you are abnormal, you probably move on. Otherwise, keep on trying.

Good luck!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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