Helping Along a Shy Guy
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
there's this guy i like, and we've been kinda talking / flirting the past month or so. i can tell that he likes me, but i guess my main question is how much he likes me. does he like me enough for a relationship? we're both seniors in high school, he's never had a gf and i've had a few bf's. he's really unexperienced and i'm used to being the aggressive one, but learned from previous relationships that i just get hurt in the end.
anyway, i invited him to go to my friends party one night and he basically ditched his friends to go with me, which i thought was totally cool, especially since he's a pretty shy guy and he doesn't know any of my friends. at school, we don't really talk that much, we used to when we had class together, but now we just smile and kinda give each other a play punch when we walk by. so yea..
after the party we didn't talk very much so i decide to call him one night. we just talk for awhile and i say i should probably let him go and he insists i stay on..so i do. then we finally hang up coz its getting late. when i call..he always calls back and when i invite him to go places (only 2 times so far) he comes with me.
yesterday i asked him to the movies and he met me at work 15min early which is located right next to the theatre. during the movie we would flirt with each other and joke around, but he wouldn't make a move, like he didnt' try to hold my hand..or do anything of the sort. i tried to give him hints or chances to do something..but he didn't.
i guess what i wanna kno is that if he's just oblivious to girls and doesn't kno what to do bc of his lack of experience? or... does he just want the attention?
sometimes i see girls flirt with him and he's just as unresponsive to them as he is with me, so that's what gives me the impression he's clueless about what to do. my friend also said it might be that he's clueless because he wants to be clueless, he might not want a relationship and just strives for attention.
either way...what can i do to get him to be less clueless and possibly closer to me, without me being so aggressive?
is there such a thing as always asking a guy to hang out be overly aggressive?
i kno he likes me.. so what can i do to convince him that a relationship between us might be something that he wants?
You've seen how he is with you. You've seen how he is with others. I think it would be a HUGE leap of faith to say his entire life is an elaborate act that he's putting on for some bizarre reason. I think what you see is what you get. He's shy, he's not outgoing, he's not aggressive in a relationship.
You ask how you can change him. You should NEVER go into a relationship where you're asking right up front how to change him. That's a huge warning sign. A relationship is about really accepting each other for what you are, the good and the bad, and loving all of it.
So can you like him the way he is? He's not touchy-feely. He's not the chasing kind. He's just laid back and responds well when you take the first step. So if you enjoy being with him and doing things with him, what's so bad about that? If you don't like being the active one in the relationship, then go find a guy who is active. But don't go after this guy who is obviously not active, and then try to "force him into your mold" of what you think he should be like!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com