she is often online but I canít seem to figure out how to start up a conversation

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I have run into a really big problem here, Last year In school I was working with this girl on a Bio Project, wasnít really a close friend of mine or anything, heck she didnít even talk all that much, just a casual "hi" or "Hello" or just small conversations, although I did and still do love her, although I was never too expressive being the shy person I am. Anyway, over the summer last year things unexpectedly got worse: I had gone to the park after running an errand for a neighbor, I was in a real big rush when I left home and forgot to put on my contacts (Iíve got REALLY bad vision without them). I sorry if I am boring you out, but you see this info is kinda important. while I was passing thought the park, apparently "She" was there with her friends, and she probably waved at me, not having my contacts on I could see her, and kept on walking. Well, summer break was over and on the first day of school, I met "her" and the first thing she asked me was why had I "ignored" her when she waved at me. Now I will be honest with you I am a really shy-type guy, PLUS her question completely caught me off guard, and of course I panicked and made up a lame answer "err...I didnít see you" WAY TOO nervous to explain the whole incident in detail as I mentioned to you above, besides it was picture day and the line was moving up, so I didnít have much time either. Later on that day I kept trying to figure out just what in the world was she talking about, then I remembered the park I had passed on my way home (after all that was the only one I had been to over summer). I made up my mind to go and clear it out with her, for one I still love this girl. But I ran into some serious bad luck, I didnít have her in any of my classes!!! Moreover she stopped talking to me from that day on, not even a "hi or hello" she probably thought I was ignoring her at the park and making an excuse about not seeing her. I had another problem: I barely got to see her, we had classes on the opposite sides of school. I was soo desperate to make it up to her, She is soo Pretty and I really love her, not just for her looks but everything about her, she is the perfect girl: Kind, pretty ,intelligent ,did I mention pretty? I even talked to one of my friends who happens to know her, didnít help much either, he said something about her changing the subject when he brought up the "park incident". If things werenít bad already, they got a LOT worse, for one towards the end of school year (may 2005) I found out that she had a boyfriend, Oh and it gets BETTERÖshe went to prom with him (he's a senior)...Talk about bad luckÖwhatís that Murphyís law: if something can go wrong, IT WILL? Yep it applies here!
The fact that she was seeing someone didnít change a thing, as I still Love her and I havenít been paying any attention to other girls the whole time this year. Well now schoolís out and I have made up my mind to get this whole "misunderstanding" cleared. A few days ago I was on one of my old AIM screenames and I found her screename, probably had from last time's bio project(as in two years ago). and for a good thing too. OK youíve been listening to me blabber for a while, HERE is where I REALLY need an expertís advice: she is often online but I canít seem to figure out how to start up a conversation?. Itís not as Simple as it looks, I mean come on, what am I supposed to say? Hey!!! Remember me form last year... I havenít spoken to this girl in about 11-12 months now , although I saw her in the hallways, but she wouldnít say anything to me and I would be too nervous or shy to say anything to her. However, I figured out it would be easier this way though IM. Now I know the answer but I donít know how to approach it... It would look kinda odd, considering I have never Instant messaged her before, and besides just WHAT am I supposed to say? Arrrgghhh this whole thing is soo frustrating!!! How do I clear this up? You know if this was not so serious, it would be really funny...

what do I do??? I know that she has a boyfriend. And I wouldnít mind if for the time being she were to become ďjust a friendĒ maybe later on if she were to break upÖ
for now I have to figure out what to do, I also have her e-mai address (bio proj). So whatís your advice? I donít mind if you donít post this on the website, I just need an answer Ö.this has been driving me NUTS for the past 11 months, I have asked friends for advise, gone to numerous websites for advice ( but they just answered in ďriddlesĒ and left me even more confused, not to mention really ticked-off. I have read many of you replies to people here and you really seem reasonable enough not to throw me in a loop. Please try to answer me as soon as possible, I donít know what to do. Advice
At the very least you need to explain to her why you didn't wave and how you didn't even remember until later on what she was talking about. You could do this thru IM.

Another approach which appeals to me is to use email to send her a copy of the email you sent to me. Don't change a word in it. You have summed up the situation perfectly and described her in a very flattering manner.

You would have to give an intro telling her what the enclosed email was about... that you had sent it to an advice website on the internet.

Sending the whole email may be just a little too much... you will have to decide how you want to approach it with her.

Best of luck to you, hope something works out for you!
p.s. if you decide on IM just tell her "I didn't have my contacts on" and see what comes out of that.

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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Don't be too serious

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