i am about to undergo a kidney transplant
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I dated my ex for 14 months, about a month ago she broke up with me saying she needed some space and couldn't handle the stress of a relationship. we never fought, and got along great... i had been a little stressed and distant the past 2 months because i am about to undergo a kidney transplant in about a month and i have been stressing that a lot lately. We talked about a future together, and i had given her a ring for x-mas that had a diamond that had been in my family for a long time. she told me about 4 months ago that after about a year her relationships usually fall apart because she gets scared and runs away. When she broke up with me i told her that i wasn't going to let her just run like she has done in the past. the first week and a half she pushed me away and all of our mutual friends. she started spending time with this guy in her class and started hanging out with all of his friends. after about 2 weeks she called me and we hung out for 4 days and each time she would act like we were still together, and say she loves me, and then when before i left she would give me a hug and not want to let go. when she gave me the ring back she was quick to add that i shouldn't get rid of it in case we get back together. she's now dating this other guy, but hasn't told me the truth yet... i asked her about it and all she said was that they are friends and she's starting to like him... i've told her that no matter what i'll be here for her, and the ring is her ring and it will never be worn by anyone else, i told her that i'm just holding onto it until she wants it back. i'm not the type of guy who gets in relationships unless i am sure of my feelings and i usually don't stay in them more than a couple months.
with this girl it was different, when i got scared i thought about it and realized it was just me being scared and faced it. my theory is that she hung out with this guy from her class and worked on school work together and because her and i weren't together he was there to fill the void... she is hanging out with him and his friends and ignoring our mutual friends because they remind her of me. i sent her a letter and a quilt that i had made her last week and in the letter told her i would leave her alone but i would always be here... it seems to me like she's trying to change into something she isn't and leaving her old self behind because it reminds her of me... she told me a couple weeks ago she was going hiking with this guy, and i pointed out that she would never go hiking with me, and she complains when she has to walk across campus.. it's almost like she is trying to reinvent herself to have stuff in common with this guy... i want to believe that he's just a rebound and she'll realize and come back... but it seems to be getting harder everyday rather than easier... and with surgery coming up, i can't handle being in this mental state... it sucks because she needs space when i really need her the most...so i guess my question is does it sound like she's just trying to run away and what should i do to show her that i love her and do want to spend the rest of my life with her, and nothing she does will make me give up?
I think she is just as stressed about your surgery as you are.
She can't handle the emotions that go along with such situations and she is finding a way to avoid having to deal with them.
You have shown her in every way possible that you love her and are there for her and won't give up. So there is nothing left to do there.
My advice is to wait until the surgery is over and then make further contacts with her and once she realizes the danger is over she will return to you.
Sorry you are in this situation! Good luck with the surgery!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com