I joined a dating website, due to being unhappy with my 14-year relationship with my husband
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Hello I joined a dating and sex website, due to being unhappy with my fourteen-year relationship with my husband. I am 39 and have no children. My husband and I has sexual difficulties and he did not want to go out with me to different places and he said he didn't want children and the reasons why he said this, hurt me. Therefore I went on the internet in December 2004 to find what was "out there" and found this site.
I found this 36 year-old divorced man and sent him an email and soon after, I fell in love with him, well, a huge infatuation and we exchanged a couple of chats on msn and some emails. I sent him an email on his birthday, which was soon afterwards. I got inpatient with him in February of this year around Valentine's Day, and sent him an angry email and he replied wishing me well but basically asking him to cut off all communication with him. I apologised for my angry email but to date he has refused to reply to my apologies (being July it is now exactly 5 months), that I sent to him in various forms soon afterwards (email, a "Sorry" e-card, voice message, English Madrigal love song). I have never met the guy for whom I have the crush on. But I have done a background check on him and all his details check out and I have seen a picture of him posted on the website of where he works in real life. I have never met, spoken to or chatted with him in real life. But I love this guy, I believe that if I had got to know him better and he me, that he would have turned out to be my soul mate, even though I dearly love my husband.
It has caused me to be quite ill and abandon my university studies and my health has suffered. I know I came across as pushy and rude for sending that email, but did I really deserve to be given the silent treatment afterwards. I don't know what to do. I know I should work on improving my marriage, but my self-esteem is devastated and I shall never recover from this to be able to work on my marriage, assuming this is the right thing to do.
I just don't know what to do. I cry and I am in pain everytime I see his photo on the website. I think about his all the time and whether I deserved for him to cease all contact with me.
Can you help?
I can help by pointing you in the right direction.
You need to see a therapist who can give you professional advice based on closer contact with you.
My sense is that your relationship with your husband is nearly over, but the therapist could give you better advice after talking with you.
Regarding your internet love, you should recognize how unrealistic it was even though it was probably the most pleasurable experience you have had in years.
There is a high probability that your web love has found someone else that he feels more comfortable with. Your angry letter gave him the excuse to cut off communications.
Be thankful for the joy you had and see a therapist so you have the chance to experience it once again with a "real life" man.
My best to you!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com