Long Distance losing out to Short Distance
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Me and Mr. "b" met and fell for eachother. We didnt get into an offical relationship because i was moving away for school, we are still great friends, but im in love with him, i dont hold it back i tell him. But still no signs of trying, he was scared and so it was safe to just stay friends, but in December whe i was home for winter break we were real good.
Now its febuary and he has met someone else and they are kinda together, what do i do? I told him i was happy for him and he said he wasnt all that happy, his reasonings were, and i quote "i like her and all, she is cool, but i feel like im gaining something which is new but losing someone i cherish." ok cherish vs "cool and all" of course im like then why are you with her.....but she is there youknow, home field advantage....i told him to stop worrying about me.
As a friend care bout her, but he said that he cant lose me...so i told him to thik about one thing, if he was with me would he be as happy as he is being with her...he said i changed his life, challenged him, and made him a better person and no one will replace that or come close. Told me that my love for him was great and that i was the purest person he knows and that i am one of the few people in life he trusts.
Im thinking to myself these are things you say to your girlfriend right...but we arent together...
ok so its crunch time...what do i do, what do you read of all that? I mean if he cares, and he isnt happy why is he with her, will i get him back? can i, or is that over, have i losted him?i go home in two weeks, and i know that is a long time, alot happens, especially since they are in the same state, but im done here in 6 weeks, what do we talk about, how do i get the ball back in my court? can i, i mean if she is in his life, its because he wants her there right..? what doyou think?
People can easily admire different people for their different qualities. So it's very possible that he loves you for the traits you have and the way you affected him ... and he cares for this other girl too for what she is about, which could be quite different than you. And definitely, long distance is hard to maintain while short distance is easy. So if she was right there and you were far off, it's much easier for him to date her.
If your being "done" in six weeks means just for this year, but next year it will happen all over again, that will be rough. He's already shown he really can't deal with long distance and it might be better just to be really good friends while you go back and forth. Don't discount friendship as being "not good enough". A great friend can be incredibly, incredibly important to you in life.
On the other hand, if in six weeks you really will be back with him for good, I'd work on things more seriously. I wouldn't try to drive them apart, that's never a good idea. But remind him how much fun you are together by talking to him, having fun with him, planning things to do together. If you do come back to where you're also convenient, that may tip the scales in your favor.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com