Starting at the beginning of this week, for about 3 or 4 days in a row, we have talked every night over msn

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Hello, I have written in here quite a few times with my situation. Well, the last time I wrote, was 2-3 weeks ago I think, and my ex was seeming very angry with me a lot. So your advice was to give him a month with no communication. So I stopped calling, stopped writing, and blocked him off msn messenger (but only because I thought he had blocked me). Well, that only lasted a week, and he came online one night and I realized he hadn't blocked me so I unblocked him and instantly he sent me a message saying he had called me the day before to see how I was doing and stuff (but nobody was home) we talked for a little then he went to bed.

Starting at the beginning of this week, for about 3 or 4 days in a row, we have talked every night over msn, and he was acting very nice to me and also very flirty. He brought up the topic of other guys, and asked if I was seeing any, and I said no. I guess he had heard about me hanging out with this one guy at the movies and he told me straight out that he got jealous, and also told me he hasn't dated or touched any girl since the breakup and says he did like someone but it passed and now he doesn't like anybody. Then we got on the topic of the breakup and I was kind of mad at him but he kept being really really nice to me, it surprised me considering how mean he had been lately. Then he asked if we could get together and talk about things. After that we kept joking around with eachother about making out when we got together, and told eachother about dreams we had where we had messed around.

So, my parents are gone away, and I had invited him over today so we could have privacy. He came over but I was too afraid to ask him about the breakup, so we just ended up putting a movie in and we actually decided to watch it in my room in my bed because thats where we always used to. So he laid down but I didnt cuz I was afraid to make him uncomfortable, but he was like "you know you can lay down too" so I laid down next to him. Then we just stopped really watching the movie and started joking around, tickling, flirting really badly, and talking but not about serious stuff. We constantly joked around about doing stuff. Then I made a face at him and said "would you wanna make it with this face?!" and he said "sure" and kissed me, and we kissed for a little. Then he pulled away and said "we're just friends, but if you're ok with this.." and I got upset cuz I didn't understand why he would want to be kissing me if he wanted to just be friends. And then he said sorry for kissing me he didn't know why he did, and he could tell I wanted to cry, so he held me and said I could cry if I wanted because he's still my shoulder to cry on. Then once I got it out of my system we started playing around again, and I could feel the tension between both of us (like we both wanted to do more). I talked about my back hurting so he said he'd give me a massage and promised he wouldnt try anything, so he was massaging me and my shirt ended up being off while he did it. Basically we flirted and were all over eachother to the point where I just ended up kissing him again, and we ended up messing around.

Okay, I can tell that he really has strong feelings for me. He was so sweet, saying we are still best friends and slipped and called me "Sweetie" when he was talking to me. We could both feel the tension between us, and I know we could never be platonic friends. But after we did stuff, his mom called and he went home, and he is still set on being just friends, although he knows even if I cut him off messing around that we will always end up cuddling or something, and feelings will always be there. But I am so confused as to why he doesnt want to take it farther, and try the relationship again. We've been getting a long really well, and the sparks are insane. He doesn't like anybody else or want to date anyone else, and neither do I. I asked him if he would like to come over again tomorrow so we could actually talk this time about stuff, since I chickened out today, and he said he would see what he feels like tomorrow. It was a little awkward after messing around, do you think I ruined my chances?? Do you think he is just confused?? He is going on a 3 day trip to Toronto 2 days from now with his friends, could that have anything to do with him not wanting to start anything?? I am very confused, please help me understand any of this! Advice
I don't think you ruined your chances.

You are both equals in this and he was taking part in the activities. Since you both still like each other a lot, what happened was very natural.

It is important for you to have that talk because otherwise you won't know what is going on in his mind about your relationship. He owes you an explanation about his feelings. And, you should get your chance to express your own feelings.

You are probably right that his trip is interfering with all of this happening, but still try to talk to him before he goes so he doesn't think it is gone from your mind.

Good luck!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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