My guy's dating someone else too

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
My boyfriend has been dating another woman. He tells me that he has same amount of feelings for both of us and is totally confused. He has a passionate relationship with her while with me it is more of a motherly relationship. he does not want me to walk away from his life buthe says he cannot break up with her as he cannot hurt her. I feel he is the one for me.

Would my breaking up with him and dating another man make him jealous and enable him in making his decision and make him come to me? He tells me it is me that he wants from the two of us but at the same time he cannot leave her. Advice
Wow, two cheating boyfriends in one day! It must be that time of month or something. You might want to come on and read what I wrote to the other similar question. A guy that is old enough to date is old enough to have to take responsibility for his actions. If he can't even chose who to date, what's to say if you guys DID get serious that he would choose then? Maybe he'd have another woman on the side because he "didn't want to settle for just one lover". He cannot hurt her? Isn't she being hurt right now by knowing that her lover is sleeping with someone else too? And what is he saying, that it's OK to hurt you but not OK to hurt her? I'm sorry to tell him this (OK I'm not) but being a sleaze and sleeping with two women at the same time because you want to have fun and not choose is hurting BOTH WOMEN. Both of you women deserve to have A GUY who loves YOU and cares for you and isn't off boffing another woman when the mood strikes him.

I would definitely not get into mind games or using another guy to hurt him. Isn't that just making things worse, to now harm ANOTHER innocent person all because of this one guy? How about the poor man you date - now he's going to be hurt and abused, all because of the guy you are dating now? That's not fair at all.

If he can't choose, then choose for him by leaving. A relationship is about two willing people who actively care for each other and want to be with each other. If you have to TRICK him into being with you, it will never work. He'll just start cheating on you when the mood strikes him, and lying about it. He has to be with you voluntarily, or it won't work.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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