Is a relationship between a 21-yr-old and a recent high school graduate a good idea?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have written you twice before and it always seems to put things into perspective for me. See I met this guy about three months ago when I was 20 (i am 21 now). He told me he was 19 and would be 20 in a couple months. I really liked him and we hung out all weekend. Then I found out he was only 17 and still in high school. I was mad at first and figured there was no way he could ever be my boyfriend but then I found myself wishing he were older and feeling really bad I refused to speak to him only because of his age. I ended up calling him and one thing led to another and I became him girlfriend. He made me happier than I had ever been in any relationship I had ever had. But the issue of him being 17 always bothered me and I wanted nothing more than to tell everyone that he was my age.... and on most occasions I lied about it. When I was honest people would just laugh at me and ask me what in hell I was doing. My dad told me he was just a boy and to leave him alone..... donít mess with him. It seemed like I told myself he was my age more than anyone and when I went out with my older friends I would want to be with the guys who were in my age group. I went to his high school graduation and I knew that he will be legal very soon so it seemed like I was just weighting for him to grow up a little. I thought after he graduated Iíd feel better about the situation but it always gave me stress as I was constantly worried about what everyone else thought.
The other problem was that he was a virgin and me.... well Iíve been around the block a a-few times. I could never picture myself taking his virginity because sex means nothing to me and means a lot to him. I also have no interest in taking someoneís virginity because I know the kind of emotional bond that creates and I wouldnít want to ruin him for the rest of his life if things didnít work out how he expected. I ended up breaking up with him because of these issues but now I feel very depressed because he made me so happy. In your expert advice did I make the right choice? ccc Thank you.
There's nothing wrong with the age difference.
The problem is that you are not entirely comfortable with it. And you should go with your gut feelings. You mentioned a number of valid points as to why you shouldn't be going out with him. And you have broken up with him.
Wait a month or so and see if you still miss him so badly. If you do, then try to get back together.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com