A pattern developed and I became the one initiating all the time.Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Hi. I have been in a "situation" for over a year and I no longer no what I'm supposed to do here...I've been seeing a younger guy,(I'm in my thirties and he's in his twenties,) for over a year. We had an instant connection and chemistry. He told me that he was attracted to me and I asked him out. We had a fantastic time so I was surprised that he did not initiate anything after that. I asked him out again shortly after and he said yes. A pattern developed and I became the one initiating all the time. We had AMAZING sexual chemistry. He told me that I was ALWAYS invited to his home. I expressed on several occasions that I was not o.k. with him not ever calling or doing the asking out. I do not want a serious relationship with this guy, but we do enjoy each other immensely. I walked away from this a couple of times already figuring that he just couldn't do what I needed him to, but when some time passed, he would reach me, and this thing would start all over again. It seems as if he needs me to always be in control and take charge. I know he has a lot of insecurities because he is an immigrant living in New York City and he struggles a lot so I think he feels that he doesn't have much to offer me. However, he is very attractive and bright and I really enjoy his company. I don't know what to do...it's been hard for me to just let this go. Some friends say that I should just continue calling all the shots. But as much as I like him, I'm not comfortable with this. Also, I'm not living alone right now and I can not invite him over by me, so it's awkward to ask him out and then expect to go back to his place. Being an older woman, this makes me very uncomfortable. Is there any way that this can turn around? Is there a way that I can make him understand what it is that I need. I've tried in the past and he gets it briefly, then goes back to his old ways. Please help!!!
Get used to it.
Or say goodbye to him. He obviously is not wired the way you want him to be.
The only idea that comes to mind, and it may not satisfy you, is for you to call his answering machine and leave a message reminding him that he is supposed to call you for a date. If he has no machine then call him personally and say please call me and ask me out and then hang up.
This isn't exactly what you want, but it might do the trick over time.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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