I feel fooled that I have trusted him all these years 100% and he has kept this away from me
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years before getting married last year. Only this week, I was nosy (he is away) and got into his email account, and found an email he sent to a woman who I have never heard of. I later found that her email is also in his address book.
The email was a short message...
So glad to hear that you are coming to London! Can't
wait to seeing you again. Miss you so much... hope I
have a sweet dream tonight about you.
My first reaction was angry even though this was an email from 2 years ago. So I asked my husband who this person was and what was going on.
My husband's explanation was that this is a girl he knew when he was a teenager. They have lost touch and a few years back they happened to meet up during a drink up. He admitted the girl is the flirtatious type and that she was very attractive. When I asked why he wrote those words, he said he was flirting back and meant nothing and assured me that nothing was going on. He also said that because he wasn't married to me at the time, being a bit flirty was within 'his' limit. Now that he is married, he will act responsibly. He also said he is sorry and understand how I feel.
Although this was history. I feel fooled that I have trusted him all these years 100% and he has kept this away from me. I am not jealous. I am hurt that he is having this private life and it wasn't shared with me.
And now I am thinking, was it just flirting or was there more. And how many old friends does he have that I am not aware of, i.e. I am losing trust.
My heart tells me that I should believe and forgive him. My logical brain says, this is more then just flirting. Should I demand the truth from my husgand as I don't want to hear more surprises in the future. But what can I do to get him to tell me the truth?
Go with what your heart says.
You could ask him if he wants to volunteer any other indiscretions just to unburden himself. But you can't demand the truth or he'll clam up.
His explanation about the email sounds reasonable enough and my advice is to believe him.
And, you are a snoop and you are lucky you didn't find more to worry about... I should count my lucky stars if I were you.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com