It's been about 2 months since our final breakup and I still think about him every day
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've looked through your online advice, but doesn't it always seem like your situation is a bit different. I need some serious help. Here's the story.
I'm a young junior high school teacher (22) and met this guy who helped run the after school program (also 22). When we first met we hit it off well and he asked me out about a week after. Our first date was great and we both had an imediate connection with eachother. I felt very comfortable with him and he with me. He visited me every day after school and I would stay after helping him. He'd also come to my house all the time, at least 3 or 4 times a week and we'd have good time together. Someone had warned me that he was a bit of a player, so I was cautious at first and even confronted him about it. He reassured me that he wasn't and we were close. Every time he'd come over we'd make-out and talk a lot. This went on for about 4 months. After four months he, out of no where, broke up with me. He said that he loved me, but he wasn't ready for commitment and he knew that's what I wanted. So we were friends, but that didn't last too long. Things reverted back to the way it was before, so I thought that we were back together. Then again, 2 months later, he told me that he didn't think it was a good idea to see me anymore. Mind you, this was after a whole night staying at my house with him hugging and kissing me. I was so confused and upset by this. Things at school were awkward. He wouldn't say hi when I walked past him and he didn't visit. This hurt me. He left (when the school year was over) without even saying goodbye and I haven't heard from him since.
I don't understand how he acted like he cared about me so much, and I truly felt cared about, and then without any real explanation he breaks up with me. My friends and family are convinced that he liked me "too much" but wasn't ready for commitment and so the only alternative was to break if off completely.
The saddest part is that I'm devistated over this. It's been about 2 months since our final breakup and I still think about him every day. I don't want to "get over him" I want to get back with him. If he cared about me so much why isnt he feeling the same way? How can I get him back?
I don't feel as if I can call him because I feel like he will be mad that I haven't moved on. What can I do to get him back? At times I go into a sevear depression and suicide thought cross my mind at least once a week. I know I would never do this, but it scares me that I think about it. Life without him is not enough.
Thanks for listening.
First off, if you are thinking about suicide once a week you need to be seeing a professional counselor and not writing to an entertainment site (which is what we are). Do not put this off, it is important that you find someone who can help you figure this out in person.
My first guess at his motivations are that he is ready for sex and thinks you are not. Making out at age 22 is a little old-fashioned from my perspective. If this is true, you might want to let him know that you are interested in having sex (if you are). Mention this casually in the conversation because you don't want it to sound like you are begging him to come back.
When/if you talk with him, try to find out again why his feelings switch back and forth about you. As I said, my guess is the real reason is sex but by asking him at least you get the conversation going.
My best wishes are with you!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com