She's Got a Boyfriend, Should I Chase Her?

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I'm 15 and have a major crush on a 16 year old in my Spanish class. We've become friends in the last year and she flirts. She sends me a lot of signals, although I'm not sure it's just more her being friendly. She has a college boyfriend, although they seem to be falling apart from the distance. I've had bad luck with women in the past, so I've tried the aloof approach to her, in that I'll speak to her a lot but not really act too interested in a relationship.

This past Friday, on Valentine's Day, she made a big production about how I was her valentine, despite me never being aware of this. Her friend asked me if I liked her, I told her, "Sure," in a very sarcastic way. I ended up buying her flowers, and now I cant get her out of my head. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold back now. Should I make my move now or keep holding back? Please help. Thanks. Advice
She has a boyfriend. If things are failing or not failing, that is something she has to resolve. But if you *cause* them to fail or even worse cause her to cheat, it is going to hugely harm the relationship you have with her. From that point forward she will in essence "blame" you for the breakup with her ex. And any time you guys have rough spots or fights, she is going to pine for her ex ... the ex she "should" have been with but who you drove away from her.

Instead, work on being her friend. Don't play the aloof game. Friends don't play emotional games with friends. And friends are not aloof! Be there for her, talk with her, share with her. Listen to her about her problems. If she's unhappy with her boyfriend, she should make a decision and look for a happier choice. Again, don't *drive* them apart. But support her in making choices that are helping her to be more happy.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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