should I be happy that I got out of a bad relationship full of lies, deceit and betrayal?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
*F.Y.I.* This question has a bit of a complicated story involved in it.....but i need some advice. This all took place during my senior year of college.
I was dating a girl for about 9 months and about 3 weeks into the relationship she got pregnant(Arround November '04) and didnt tell me. In addition, the first two months of relationship we partied alot and consumed alcohol and marijuana. She lied about being on the pill, and didnt tell me about the pregnancy until she was 2 months into it. I did everything I could to prepare for being a father and then she confessed that she cheated on me a week before my birthday(about 3 months into the pregnancy in January '05). I was heart-broken and couldnt handle it. About a week later I was still in shock and told her to end it immediately. She agreed to end it, but slept with him again instead. She told me the next day that it was the last time and that it was over between them. I spoke to her mother a few days later and broke the truth that she cheated on me twice and that we consumed alcohol and marijuana, unknowingly that she was pregnant(at least I didnt know, i cant say the same for her). Her mother and I agreed that abortion was an option, given the circumstances. I myself am against it, but after some tests were done and the given situation, I was convinced that bringing a child up in that kind of environment wasnt healthy, and the baby itself was in poor shape in the womb. Her mother flew out, and the procedure was done about 4 months into the pregnancy. I finished the rest of the school year trying to work things out with her, but there was still alot of barriers and trust issues that werent being worked out. After I graduated, I moved about 2,000 miles away in pursuit of my carrer and have recently broken up with her. My main reason was that i couldnt live with myself after everything that had happened if I was still with her. I couldnt trust her, and she betrayed my love for her.
I feel guilty about everything, but at the same time relieved. SHe still calls to say she loves me, but I dont know if we can ever be together again. I have alot of mixed feelings and confusion running through my head.
My question is, how should I handle this? Should I feel guilty and ashamed? Or should I be happy that I got out of a bad relationship full of lies, deceit and betrayl?
It may be confusing to you since you lived through it and loved the girl for a while.
However, from an outsider's point of view my opinion is that your choice was a no-brainer and you made the right choice.
There is something unhinged in that young girl's mind and you are lucky to be away from hurt. Even though you have mixed feelings, that is just a sign that you are a good-hearted person who happened to run into a very immature person.
Feel good about yourself, you deserve to feel that way!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com