I love him so much and i dont want to get divorce
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I'm a woman(31) been married to a man(28) for 4 years and have a daughter (3).we come from different countries.i'm from Indonesia,he is from Turkey.We lived in his country after we got married.He loved me as much as he wanna marry me(he never plan to get married until he met me) and i love him truly(he is so poor,i had a very good life standard in my country.I left all those thing & willing to live so poor life jst to be with him).My family help us by buying a house for us to stay in after my baby was born (his salary will not enough to pay all expenses if we have to rent a house still)
A week ago he called me(i'm in my country) and told me he want a divorce he said becouse he doesnt love me anymore and want to continue his life alone but i know there must be something else.I ask him until finaly he admit that has been cheating on me everytime i was away(go back to my country.which is three times with now,all expenses paid by my family) and now he is in love with one of the woman he is having an affair with(he met her on the net 10 months ago and been seeing each other for 4 months. He told me he love this woman becouse he can take him as he is.
I admit that i expecting his support so much and we fight a lot all becouse i was under stress.Living totaly different life,in different country far from my family,have problem with my in laws(they didnt agree from begining that he want to marry me coz we are from different country),got to do everything by myself(cooking,cleaning,taking care of my daughter which i had never done before i got married becouse my family always have maids in our house).
While i'm back in my country this time i learn manything about relationship i realized my mistakes and promise to myself and told him also that i will try to make our relationship to work better and more healthy(that is 2 months before he want the divorce)and he agree to it.
I love him so much and i dont want to get divorce.I ask him to give us chance to continue our marriage.At first he didnt want to but at the end he agree to it under condition that i must change,never talk about the past and i must know that he love this woman(he told me he will not continue their relationship though).He doesnt want to tell me why he is giving us the chance.
my question is:
1. Why is he giving this chance?
2. Will he be able to love me again?
Please help me.I'm in depression now.i cant eat and sleep properly.I really want him to love me again.
Please fight the depression... it will make you unattractive to your husband. And, you need all your strength to make this come out the way you want.
Most women would choose the divorce. After all, he said he doesn't love you, he has cheated on you and is in love with another woman, his life style is not as good as if you returned to Indonesia, plus, he wants you to change yourself.
Nevertheless, you are in love with him and want him to love you again. That, of course, is the most important thing to you. You ask why he is giving you this chance. My guess is that he knows how good you are for him and he wants to give it another chance. Also, the other woman has probably been complaining to him and asking him to get a divorce.
Will he be able to love you again? This is very difficult to answer. I suppose if you made the improvements to yourself that he asks he may feel differently about you. But, realistically, the chances are low that he will come back to love you.
So you have to decide whether you want to give him the divorce now and stay in Indonesia, or to take the chance he is giving you with the outcome likely to be the same.
Perhaps you should contact a professional counselor who could ask you more questions and have a greater understanding of what your needs are and how to get to them. It is difficult for me to give a good answer since I don't know your cultures.
I wish you the best of luck!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com