I cheated on her, she slept with four guys
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I am sort of bisexual. I say sort of because I was taken advantage of by an older gay man and ever since then, I have performed bisexual traits, but I believe I am not truly bisexual because I do not like doing it and I want to stop.
I cheated on my girlfriend of a year with a guy. She broke up with me because I did that... We were apart for a month until yesterday when we talked and we got back together. Yesterday, though, she told me while we were apart, she slept with four guys because she felt like she wasnt good enough for me, she was on the rebound and hurt... She told me she wants to make "us" work again...
How can we regain trust? I am also hurt because, even though she didnt mean it, she still slept with four guys. plus, i was her first, so i feel a lot less special... What should we do from here???? Please help.
First, I'll assume you're on the younger side of 25. It's very, very common for people to experiment with male and female and mixtures while they are in that age group. You are curious about things, you want to figure out what works for you, you have hormones and other things in your life. Don't worry too much about labels. You are just a person exploring your world. At some point you'll decide what is right for *you*, whatever it happens to be called, and you'll be content with that.
Your cheating on your girlfriend really doesn't matter if it was male or female, the issue is that you broke her trust. Trust is THE key in any relationship, the thing that holds you together and gives you the ability to get through all sorts of ups and downs. So you wounded her deeply.
People do all sorts of strange things when they're on the rebound. She undoubtedly felt abandoned, and not good enough, and unworthy, and wanted to prove she WAS thought of as attractive by guys, that other guys did want her even if you didn't. Since you had in essence 'cast her aside', you can't really complain if she turned to others for comfort.
You're no more or less special because she chose to sleep with other guys. I would hope that you don't value her based on her virginity or lack thereof. That's one of the least important things to judge a human being on. You were with her for a solid year, hopefully there are plenty of other things in your relationship that are far more important than that.
You need to spend time proving to her that your cheating before was a big mistake, that you could never betray her again and that you are worthy of trust. It will take a while to rebuild that trust, but if you care for her, it will be worth it.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com