How can I learn not to be jealous everytime she's with one of her friends and not me?

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I must have a past with jealousy. Somehow it affects me today and i don't know why and i wish it would stop. I'm a lesbian and am currently in a relationship with a great girl. She isn't a jealous person but she tends to have emotions of a guy. Which we all know is like,none or very little. I love getting attention from her, but when i don't that's when i get really jealous. I rarely see her but once a week. Either she is working or I am. If we both have a day off we try to see each other. Latley though she's chosen to be with one of her two best friends . Which really hurts me and makes me extremely jealous. I think she would rather spend time with one of them than me. I try to let it come off as nothing but it bothers the hell out of me. How can I learn not to be jealous everytime she's with one of her friends and not me? Advice
I normally advocate fighting jealousy very strongly.

In this case, it seems to be a natural reaction to being hurt.

Having said that, there are techniques for dealing with jealousy and one of them is to attack the jealous feelings and thoughts as hard as you can so that they give up trying to bother you. The way to attack them is to say "She cares for me and not for them, so go away and leave me alone." Say this hundreds of times, or until the problem goes away, and the problem is solved.

As I said your case is a little more extreme in that your jealousy is more valid than most. In your case my advice is to confront her (gently) and ask her why she is spending those precious few alone hours with others rather than with you. You might not like the answer but at least you will know.

Perhaps if you thought up some non physical activities to perk up the relationship it might help. Go to the zoo or whatever.

Good luck!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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